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Hockey jokes

Q: Why don’t black people play hockey?
A: Because there’s a bunch of white guys skating around with

mask on, chasing a black hockey puck with sticks.


Joke #11170 posted in the category: Hockey jokes.

A Canadian Hockey Fan, An American Fan And A Swedish Fan Were All In Saudi Arabia, Sharing A Smuggled Crate Of Alcohol. All Of A Sudden Saudi Police Rushed In And Arrested Them. The Mere Possession Of Alcohol Is A Severe Offence In Saudi Arabia, So For The Terrible Crime Of Actually Being Caught Consuming The Alcohol, They Were Sentenced To Death! However, After Many Months And With The Help Of Very Good Lawyers, They Were Able To Successfully Appeal Their Sentence Down To Life Imprisonment. By A Stroke Of Luck, It Was A Saudi National Holiday The Day Their Trial Finished, And The Extremely Benevolent Sheikh Decided They Could Be Released After Receiving Just 20 Lashes Each Of The Whip.

as They Were Preparing For Their Punishment, The Sheikh Suddenly Said: ”it’s My First Wife’s Birthday Today, And She Has Asked Me To Allow Each Of You One Wish Before Your Whipping.”

the Swede Fan Was First In Line (he Had Drunk The Least), So He Thought About This For A While And Then Said: ”please Tie A Pillow To My Back.” This Was Done, But The Pillow Only Lasted 10 Lashes Before The Whip Went Through. The Swede Fan Had To Be Carried Away Bleeding And Crying With Pain When The Punishment Was Done.

the American Fan Was Next Up (he Almost Finished A Half-can), And After Watching The Scene, Said: ”all Right! Please Fix Two Pillows On My Back.” But Even Two Pillows Could Only Take 15 Lashes Before The Whip Went Through Again, Sending The American Fan Crying.

the Canadian Fan Was The Last One Up (he Had Finished Off The Crate), But Before He Could Say Anything, The Sheikh Turned To Him And Said: ”you Support The Greatest Team In The World, Your Country Has The Best And Most Loyal Hockey Fans In The World. For This, You May Have Two Wishes!”

”thanks, Your Most Royal Highness”, The Canadian Replies. ”in Recognition Of Your Kindness, My First Wish Is That You Give Me Not 20, But 100 Lashes.”

”not Only Are You An Honorable, Handsome And Powerful Man, You Are Also Very Brave,” The Sheikh Says With An Admiring Look On His Face. ”if 100 Lashes Is What You Desire, Then So Be It. And Your Second Wish? What Is It To Be?” The Sheikh Asks.

”tie The American Fan To My Back So He Can Get His Ass Whooped Again.”


Joke #19410 posted in the category: Hockey jokes.

It’s Game 7 Of The Stanley Cup Final, And A Man Makes His Way To His Seat Right At Center Ice. He Sits Down, Noticing That The Seat Next To Him Is Empty. He Leans Over And Asks His Neighbor If Someone Will Be Sitting There.

”no,” Says The Neighbor. ”the Seat Is Empty.” ”this Is Incredible”, Said The Man.

”who In Their Right Mind Would Have A Seat Like This For Final Game Of The Stanley Cup Playoffs And Not Use It?”

the Neighbor Says ”well, Actually, The Seat Belongs To Me. I Was Supposed To Come With My Wife, But She Passed Away. This Is The First Stanley Cup We Haven’t Been To Together Since We Got Married In 1967.”

”oh... I’m Sorry To Hear That. That’s Terrible. But Couldn’t You Find Someone Else, A Friend Or Relative, Or Even A Neighbor To Take The Seat?”

the Man Shakes His Head ”no. They’re All At The Funeral.”


Joke #19998 posted in the category: Hockey jokes.

A hockey player is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.

His friend Doug stops him and asks,

” Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?”

” I got it for my wife, eh” answers Bob.

” Oh!” exclaims Doug, ” Good trade.”


Joke #20004 posted in the category: Hockey jokes.

Your mama is like a hockey team: she changes her pads after three periods.


Joke #40540 posted in the category: Hockey jokes.

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