A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, ”If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, ”If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful Princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, ”If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I’ll stay with you and do *Anything* you want.” Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, ”What is it? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful Princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and do *Anything* you want. Why won’t you kiss me?
The boy said, ”Look I’m a computer programmer. I don’t have time for girlfriends, but a talking frog is really cool.”
Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, ”I’ll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren’t any ducks out there, I’m not going hunting.”
So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks twice. Chester says, ”Well I’m not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there.”
Earl says, ”You’re going to take the dog’s barks for the truth?” Earl doesn’t believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he says, ”I don’t believe it where did you get that dog? There really are only two ducks out there!”
Chester says, ”Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you want, you can get one from him, too.”
So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Chester has. The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks. Minutes later the dog returns with a stick in it’s mouth and starts humping Earl’s leg.
Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says, ”This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!”
The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back with a stick in its mouth and started humping his leg.
The breeder says, ”Earl, all he was trying to tell you was that there are more fucking ducks out there than you can shake a stick at!”
An African village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great white hunter, to come and kill the beast. For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never showed up. Finally, he told the tribal chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion. In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter lying there, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion. ”What happened, bwana? Where is the lion? asked the chief. ”Forget the damn lion!” he howled. ”Which of you Idiots let the bull loose?”--6+
Two guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted all his life. When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand. After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe hears a blood-curdling scream. He rushes back to Jerry and yells, ”I thought I told you to be quiet!” Jerry says, ”Hey, I tried. I really did. When those snakes crawled over me, I didn’t make a sound. When that bear was breathing down my neck, I didn’t make a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled up my pants leg and said, ’Should we take them with us or eat them here? ` I couldn’t keep quiet any more!”-0+