An Indian politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the
senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed
by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings. He asked
”How can you afford all this on a meagre senator’s salary?”
The senator smiled knowingly and took him to the window.
”Can you see the river?”
”Can you see the bridge over it?”
”Of course”, said the minister.
”10 percent”, said the senator smugly.
Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian
minister lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to his
house, the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had
built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc. etc.
”How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in RS?’ , he asked.
The minister called him to the window.
”See the river over there?”
”Sure”, cried the senator.
”Can you see the bridge over it?”
The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said -
”No, I don’t see any bridge.”
”100 percent”, said the minister!!
Chandrababuism: You have two cows in Vijayawada. You hook them to internet and milk them from Hyderabad.
Jayalalithaism: You have two cows. You teach them to cry,” Ammaaaaaaa...” and fall at your feet.
Karunanidhiism: You have two cows. You give one to your son and the other to your nephew...
Gandhism: You have two cows. But you drink goat’s milk. Indiraism You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.
Lalooism: You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them.
Rajnikantism: You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth. Rajivism You have two cows. You paint them both to get colourful milk.
The following is the list of some new viruses going round in India.
Better beware of them.
P. V. Narasimha Rao Virus:
First of all, this virus reduces the CPU speed to 66Hz. Before
executing any instruction, it deleberates over it a number of times
and finally does nothing.
V. P. Singh Virus:
This virus reserves a quota for each instruction, and executes them
only according to the quota. Needless to say, the least used
instructions have a higher quota than the more used instructions.
This virus is also known as social justice virus.
Sukh Ram Virus:
This virus first swallows 10% of the bits in each instruction and
then executes them.
Maneka Gandhi Virus:
This is a green virus. It executes only those programmes that were
written by vegetarians or animals.
L. K. Advani Virus:
This virus pops up every now and then, and the only way you can
continue working is by typing Jai Shri Ram 108 times.
K. P. S. Gill Virus:
Only ladies need to worry about this virus. Every now and then the
users get a whack, you know where.
Phoolan Devi Virus:
This virus hijacks all high priority processes and generates page
faults for them. At times, this virus may also celebrate the CPU*s
Deve Gowda Virus:
The main characterestic of this virus is that it tries to schedule all
the processes at the same time. This virus services all the request
for resources, and allocates them irrespective of whether they are
available or not.
This actually is a family of viruses. Each member of this virus
family grab as much of hard disk space as possible, while the main virus is
totally unaware of it. When everything stops working, this virus
blames the user for the whole chaos.
I. K. Gujral Virus:
Before executing any instruction, this virus calls tries to get the
approval of 18 other viruses and most of the time, one of the viruses
blocks the instruction. So Gujral virus most of the time does not
execute anything. While it is not doing anything, as it is always,
this virus connects to the Internet and keeps sending data to all
major/minor countries in the World except India w/o receiving the
This virus plays hide and seek. it captures some resources and
releases them after sometime. it sometimes seems to be eradicated but
Laloo Yadav virus:
A dangerous virus, gulps all the resources as well as it corrupts the
data. If you try to use scanner, During hibernation, it will rename
its signature with another deadly virus of the same family. This virus
takes help from other viruses to avoid scanning.
Whatever way, it will try to grab resources of the system, it’s only
task is to abort BJP processes. this virus hangs the system by
sending conflicting signals to different hardware units.
Sonia Gandhi Virus:
Once a part of most deadly virus family of the world. No scanner can
detect now, how much damage it can cause to the system, but people
use Bofors scanner for temporary protection.
It’s also called the Dalit virus, it destabilizes the co-ordination
amongst different resources, It controls & steps the low priority
resources from functioning. Lot of scanners available now to kill it.
Other viruses are thriving by splitting this virus.
A man is on his way home from work one afternoon in Chennai. He’s stopped in traffic and thinks, ”Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual we’re not even moving.”
He notices a police officer walking down thehighway in between the cars and he rolls down his window and says,” Excuse me officer, what’s the hold up?”
”Jayalalitha just found out the verdict, and she’s all depressed. She’s lying down in the middle of the highway and she’s threatening to douse herself in gasoline and light herself on fire. She just doesn’t have Rs. 85 Crores for the tax dues. I’m walking around taking up a collection for her”
The man says,” Oh really, how much have you got so far.”
”So far.... ten litres.”
Top Ten list... If Sonia Gandhi becomes the Prime Minister....
10. There will be branches of Olive Garden all over India
and they will be called OZinda Bagicha!!
9. Their only vegetarian dish will be Eggplant Parmesan and
it will be called Anda-Pauda Parmeshwaran!!
8. All Vadapav Gaadis and Stalls will be selling Pizza and
7. India’s National Sport will be - Ofcourse Soccer.
6. Laloo will lose his position as the national animal and
will be replaced by Jayalalitha!
5. National vegetable-Zucchini
4. There will be Pope John Paul’s ’yearly’ visit - twice
3. Jahangir Art gallery will be renamed to ”Michaelangelo’s
2. Men in Indian Army will wear Mini Skirts!!
And... the number one thing that will happen if Sonia
Becomes the Prime Minister of India is.....
1. All Sindhi People will get promotions in their positions
because she thinks they are all ITALIANS!! (Kotwani, Multani, Vaswani
...... resemble Mussolini, Gianini, Benini etc..... *Kulkarni
also have a fair chance*... )