These are all from a newspaper feature article in the San FranciscoChronicleDatebook, March 5, 1989, though I’ve heard at least three of the one-liners on the radio or TV. I don’t feel too bad about extracting the best lines, since that’s what the writer did with the comics. The entire article is a full page; these are just a few of the lines.
Offensive to Moslems/Iranians and bookburners, of course.
From the San FranciscoChronicleDatebook section, March 5, 1989, ”’The Satanic Verses’--Comics Laugh It Off”
(The names are Bay Area or nationally-known stand-up comics... )
”Khomeini’s idea of ’opening up to the West’ means allowing non-Muslims to hunt Rushdie.” --Don Stevens
[Commenting on small nightclub crowd] ”This looks like a Salman Rushdie book-signing party.” --Fred Reuss
”If there were a $6 million bounty on me, I’d kill myself just for the reward. For that much, I think the Muscular Dystrophy people ought to go after him.” --David Feldman
”If Rushdie’s book got Khomeini mad, wait till he sees the swimsuit edition of the Koran.” --Johnny Carson
[Shaking his head] ”... and wait until Khomeini finds out Safeway carries pork.” --Bob Lacey
[Answering machine tape] ”We’re not here right now; we’ve gone to England to kill Salman Rushdie.” --Alex Reid
”I translated ’The Satanic Verses’ into Spanish, and now there’s a 10 million-peso price on my head. What an insult; I’m worth more than a nickel.” --Jose Simon