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Old Monastery In Galway, the West Of Ireland.

two Parrots Are Sitting In A Cage And All Day Long They Pray And Recite The Rosary And Twirl The Rosary Beads In Their Little Claws. the Visiting Priest Is Amazed, sees The Birds And Tells The Abbot That They Have Precisely The Opposite Situation At He Nearby Convent Where They Received Two Female Parrots From A Brothel After The Police Closed It Down. unfortunately For The Nuns The Parrots Say All Day Long,’ Fuck Me, please, i’m A Filthy Whore.’

the Abbot Suggests That They Move The Parrots From The Convent And Put Them In With The Good Living Parrots In The Monastery. the Priest Thinks This Is An Excellent Idea, the Foul Mouthed Birds Will Learn By Example. anyway The Two Monastery Parrots Are In Their Cage One Day When The Two Female Parrots Are Brought In Beside Them. both Female Parrots Immediately Say,’ Fuck Me, please, i’m A Filthy Whore.’ Whereupon One Male Parrot Looks At The Other And Says,’ Seamus, you Can Put Away The Rosary Beads Now, our Prayers Have Been Answered.’

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Joke #5743 posted in the category: Ireland jokes.

O’Connell was staggering home with a

pint

of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily.

Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg.

”Please, God,” he implored, ”let it be blood!”

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Joke #7248 posted in the category: Ireland jokes.

An Irishman, a black guy, and a white guy were

driving through the desert when they suddenly ran out of gas. They

all

decided to start walking to the nearest town (which they had

passed 50

miles back) to get some help.

A rancher was sitting

on his front porch that evening when he saw the

white guy top the

horizon and walk toward him. The rancher noticed that

the white guy

was carrying a glass of water, so when he was within

hearing

distance, the rancher said, ”Hi there... what are you doing carring

a

glass of water through the desert?”

The white guy explained his

predicament and explained that since he had

a long way to go, he might

get thirsty, so that’s why he was carrying

the water.

A

little while later the rancher noticed the black guy walking toward

him with a loaf of bread in his hand. ”What are you doing?” asked the

rancher again.

As before, the black guy explained the s

ituation and said that since he

had a long way to go, he might get

hungry and that’s why he had the

bread.

Finally the

Irishman appeared, dragging a car door through the sand.

More curious

than ever, the rancher asked, ”Hey, why are you dragging

that car

door?”

”Well,” he said, ”I have a long way to go, so if it gets too

hot,

I’ll roll down the window.”

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Joke #11019 posted in the category: Ireland jokes.

Bud Nelson, from New York, flew to Knock Airport in the west of Ireland on Business. As he walked down the stairs from the plane onto the runway he noticed a small Irishman standing beside a long table with a assortment of Human Skulls.

”What are you doing?” asked the American.

”Oh, I’m selling skulls”, replied the Irishman.

”And what skulls do you have?” said Bud.

”Well, I have the skulls of the most famous Irishmen that ever lived!!” said the Irishman.

”That’s great!” said Bud. ”Give me some names!”

”Well!” said the Irishman, pointing to various skulls. ”That one there is James Joyce, the famous author and playwright, that one there is St. Brendan, the Navigator, that’s Michael Collins the leader of the 1916 rising, and that one there is St. Patrick, the Patron Saint of Ireland... God bless his soul..”

”Sorry” said Bud, ”But did you say St. Patrick?”

”That’s correct!” said the Irishman.

”I have to have that!” said Bud and paid him $1, 650. 00 in cash. Bud flew back to New York and mounted his Skull on the wall in his Pub. People came from all over America to view this famous Skull. He made a fortune over a five year period and retired a very rich man. During his retirement, he decided to go back to visit Ireland, the land that made him a fortune.

Bud flew back into Knock airport, and while walking down the stairs saw the same Irishman at the bottom of the stairs.

”Goodness”, said Bud, ”What are you doing?”

”Oh, I’m selling skulls”, replied the Irishman.

”And what skulls do you have today?” said Bud.

”Well, I have the skulls of the most famous Irishmen that ever lived!!” said the Irishman.

”That’s great!” said Bud. ”Give me some names!”

”Well!” said the Irishman, pointing to various skulls. ”That one there is James Joyce, the famous author and playwright, that one there is St. Brendan, the Navigator, that’s Michael Collins the leader of the 1916 rising, and that one there is St. Patrick, the Patron Saint of Ireland... God bless his soul..”

”Sorry” said Bud, ”But did you say St. Patrick?”

”That’s Correct!” said the Irishman.

”Well!” , said Bud, I was here almost 7 years ago and you sold me a Skull a little bit bigger than that one there, and you told me then that the skull was St. Patrick.”

”Oh yes!” said the Irishman, ”I remember you now!... you see... This is St. Patrick when he was a Boy!!”

177

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Joke #19337 posted in the category: Ireland jokes.

A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable the food is terrible It’s too hot, It’s too cold & the accommodations are awful.

The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. ”Good luck will be following you all your days, if you kiss the Blarney Stone,” the guide said. ”Unfortunately, it’s being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow.”

”We can’t be here tomorrow,” the nasty woman shouted. ”We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can’t kiss the stupid stone.”

”Well now,” the guide said, ”it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you’ll have the same good fortune.”

”And I suppose you’ve kissed the stone,” the woman scoffed.

”No, ma’am,” the frustrated guide said, ”but I’ve sat on it.”

-0+

Joke #19349 posted in the category: Ireland jokes.

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