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Irish jokes


Q: What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
A: One less drunk.

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Joke #159 posted in the category: Irish jokes.

A blonde came home from her first day commuting into the city.

Her mother noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, ”Honey, are you feeling all right?”

”Not really,” the blonde replied. ”I’m nauseous from sitting backward on the train.”

”Poor dear,” Mom said. ”Why didn’t you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?”

”I couldn’t,” she replied, ”there was no one there.”

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Joke #1145 posted in the category: Irish jokes.

Tim O`Rourke was walking his Irish Setter in the country side. He picked up a stick and threw it, the dog went and retrieved it and brought it back. Tim then threw it in a different direction and the dog once again went and retrieved it and brought it back. Tim then threw it in another direction and it landed in a small lake. The dog went down to the water’s edge, walked across the water, picked up the stick and brought it back. Well, Tim was astounded. He couldn’t believe what he had seen and threw stick in the lake again, and the dog once again walked across the water to bring the stick back. As he went into town, he promised that he would show his dog’s wonderful new trick to the first person he came across. Once in town the first person the dog owner came across was the town drunk Declan Dunphy. Tim dragged Declan to the lake to show him what his dog could do. Once again, the dog owner threw the stick into the small lake and the dog went to the water’s edge, walked across the water, picked up the stick and brought it back to it’s owner. Once the drunk saw that, he turned to the dog owner and said; ”Why that’s great, mister! But when are you going to teach your dog how to swim?”

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Joke #3962 posted in the category: Irish jokes.

An Irishman went to London for a visit to the zoo. While there, he saw a man with an elephant act. The man claimed the elephant could look at a person and tell that person’s age. The Irishman was very skeptical and said so, in no uncertain terms.

The trainer had the elephant look at a small boy, and the elephant stamped its foot 9 times. ”Is that right?” he asked the boy.

”Oh, yes,” the boy said.

The Irishman was very loud in his not believing that this was true. The man asked the elephant to tell the ages of several people, and each time the elephant stamped his foot, and the people said he was correct. The Irishman got even louder and more abusive toward the trainer.

Finally, the trainer could take it no longer and wagered the Irishman that the elephant could look at him and tell him his age. The Irishman took him up on the wager.

The elephant looked real close at the Irishman, turned around, raised his tail and cut wind like you wouldn’t believe, turned back around and stomped his foot twice.

The Irishman stumbled back and, with a sound of disbelief in his voice, cried, ”BeGabbers! He’s right... Farty-two!!”

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Joke #4563 posted in the category: Irish jokes.

An American tourist was driving in County Kerry, when his motor stopped. He got out to see if he could locate the trouble. A voice behind him said, ”The trouble is the carburetor.” He turned around and only saw an old horse. The horse said again, ”It’s the carburetor that’s not working.” The American nearly died with fright, and dashed into the nearest pub, had a large whiskey, and told Murphy the bartender what the horse had said to him. Murphy said, ”Well, don’t pay any attention to him, he knows nothing about cars anyway.”

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Joke #4972 posted in the category: Irish jokes.

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