Funny Jokes db

Funny jokes for every day

Ironic jokes


Define irony.

An Amish person getting hit by a car.

A Jewish person getting electrocuted by Christmas lights.

A Catholic chocking on a condom.

-0+

Joke #22465 posted in the category: Ironic jokes.

Top Ten Most Ironic Celebrity Deaths

10) Ellen DeGeneres -- Suffocates in the closet

9) Susan Lucci -- Trips and breaks her neck while running up steps to accept an Emmy

8) Farah Fawcett -- Struck by a random thought

7) Frank Sinatra -- Killed by Stranglers in the Night

6) RuPaul -- Prostate cancer

5) O. J. Simpson -- Murdered by the ”real killer” in an apparent suicide

4) Madonna -- Exposure

3) Unabomber -- Mail bomb returned due to ”insufficient postage”

2) Al Gore -- Dutch Elm Disease

and the *Predicted* NUMBER ONE MOST IRONIC CELEBRITY DEATH IS:

1) Bill Gates -- Falls out of a Window

-0+

Joke #26393 posted in the category: Ironic jokes.

10. Ellen DeGeneres: Suffocates in closet.

9. Susan Lucci: Trips and breaks her neck while running up the stairs to

get an Emmy.

8. Jenny McCarthy: Struck by a random thought.

7. Frank Sinatra: Killed by strangers in the night.

6. RuPaul: Prostate Cancer.

5. O. J. Simpson: Killed by the ”real killer” in an apperent suicide.

4. Madonna: Exposure.

3. Unabomber: Mail bomb returned due to ”insufficient postage”.

2. Al Gore: Dutch Elm Disease.

1. Bill Gates: Falls out of the window.

-0+

Joke #26844 posted in the category: Ironic jokes.

EVER WONDER.....

... why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

... why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?

... why you don’t ever see the headline ”Psychic Wins Lottery”?

... why ”abbreviated” is such a long word?

... why doctors call what they do ”practice”?

... why you have to click on ”Start” to stop Windows 98?

... why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

... why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?

... why there isn’t mouse-flavored cat food?

... who tastes dog food when it has a ”new & improved” flavor?

... why Noah didn’t swat those two mosquitoes?

... why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

... why they don’t make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?

... why sheep don’t shrink when it rains?

... why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

... if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

... why they call the airport ”the terminal” if flying is so safe?

-0+

Joke #76437 posted in the category: Ironic jokes.

1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80, 000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later they were both eaten by a killer whale.

2. A psychology student rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an ax leaving her mentally retarded.

3. In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the world flagpole-sitting record. By the time he had come down, eight hours short of the 400 day record, his sponsor had gone bust, his girlfriend had left him and his phone and electricity had been cut off.

4. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. A shame as he had merely been listening to his Walkman.

5. Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death. And the last and best.....

6. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn’t pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with ”return to sender” stamped on it. You’ve guessed it, he opened it and said a fond farewell to his face.

-0+

Joke #83787 posted in the category: Ironic jokes.

Next page »
© Copyright 2017 funnydb.netfunny jokestop jokesbest jokes for everyone