A team of archaeologists were excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols, in this order of appearance: A woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a Star of David. They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were atleast three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where archaeologists from all over the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings.
The President of the society stood up and pointed at the first drawing and said: ”This looks like a woman. We can judge that this race was family oriented and held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol resembles a donkey, so, they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil.”
”The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they even had tools to help them.”
”Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine had hit the earth, whereby the food didn’t grow, they would take to the sea for food.”
”The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.”
The audience applauded enthusiastically.
Suddenly a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said, ”Idiots! Hebrew is read from right to left. It says: ”Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Woman!”
A lady approaches her priest and says, ”Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”
”What do they say?” the priest inquires.
”They only know how to say, ’Hi, we’re prostitutes. Want to have some fun?’ ”
”That’s terrible,” the priest exclaims, ”but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.”
”Thank you!” the woman responds.
The next day, the woman brings her female parrots to the priest’s house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots, and the female parrots say, ”Hi, we’re prostitutes, want to have some fun?”
One male parrot looks at the other male parrot and exclaims, ”Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!”
A young jewish boy walks into a bar with a giraffe, they both sit down and order almost everything off the menu. They eat the bar snacks and laugh jovially. When it comes time to pay and leave, the boy does and leaves.
Before he can get out of the door, the bartender demands ”Hey you cant just leave that lying there!!” the boy then says ”It’s not a lion its a giraffe.”
A jewish guy walked into a bar, sat down next to a chinese guy, had two
drinks, and punched the chinese guy in the nose. ”What that for?” asked the
chinese guy. ”That’s for bombing Pearl Harbor,” said the Jew. ”You idiot,”
said the chinese guy, ”JAPANESE bomb Pearl Harbor - NOT Chinese!” ”Ah,”
said the jewish guy, ”Chinese, japanese, it’s all the same.” So the chinese
guy finished his drink and punched the jewish guy in the nose. ”What was
THAT for?” asked the jewish guy. ”That for sinking Titanic,” said the chinese
guy. ”You moron,” said the jewish guy, ”the Titanic was sunk by an iceberg!”
”Ah so,” said the chinese guy, ”Iceberg, Greenberg, it all same!”
In Miami, Moshe is in his school’s computer courtyard writing a poem for the next girl he may encounter. By this time Moshe is very desperate for a girl. His computer is 125. The computers are divided by tiny walls. In computer 124 there is an unknown purse that was left behind by an unknown person.
Moshe does not know this. Well, in his mind, Moshe is praying for a girl. Suddenly a very beautiful lady goes to computer 124. Moshe prays for a conversation. The conversation is guiven. Then Moshe prays for a laugh and the laugh is given. Finally Moshe prays for some information from her and that information is given ( the class in the auditorium she has in 15 minutes). Moshe is giving thanks to God for at least 10 minutes. Then the lady gets out from the computer without saying anything. Moshe thinking that she is going to be back is not letting a uniformed cop to get in computer 124.
COP: wHY can’t I get in this computer?
Moshe: Some girl is sitting in here right now.
Cop: Where is this girl?
Moshe: maybe she went to her class to talk to her teacher before her class begins, but she is going be back. By the way dont you see her purse?
Cop: this is nonsense
Moshe with his Heart in love remembers the class she was going to.
Moshe to the cop: I take you to her!
Moshe grabs the cop and takes him to her class.
Finally, all tired from running they open the door of the auditorium and Moshe still grabbing the cop histerically screams: