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Jogging jokes


1. For every mile you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at the age of 85, to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $5, 000/month.

2. The only reason I took up jogging was to hear heavy breathing again.

3. I joined a health club last year, spending $400 in the process. I haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

4. I have to exercise early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I’m doing.

5. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

6. The advantage to exercising every day is that you die healthier.

7. I have flabby thighs but fortunately my stomach covers them.

8. If you are going to take up cross-country skiing, it helps to start with a small country.

9. I don’t jog; it makes me spill my milk shake.

10. Actually, I don’t exercise at all. If we were meant to touch our toes, we would have them farther up on our body.

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Joke #9455 posted in the category: Jogging jokes.

A Black Man Goes To His Doctor Cos He Cant Stop Jogging. ”doc I Cant Stop Jogging, And Its Getting Me Down” The Doctor Puts Two Lines Of White Powder On His Desk, Doc Says ”sniff These Two Lines” So He Immediately Does This And Stops Jogging. ”fuck Me Was That Cocaine” Asks The Man ”no” Replies The Doc ”it Was Persil Gauranteed To Stop Coloureds From Running”

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Joke #122905 posted in the category: Jogging jokes.

Jane had been driving 16 hours straight and was still at least six hours away from her destination. It was almost eight o’clock in the morning and she was very tired.

After dozing off and nearly crashing into a telephone pole, she decided to pull onto a side road and rest.

Jane turned off the car and closed her eyes... drifting off to sleep, precious sleep...

When an old man in a bright blue jogging suit knocked on her window, scaring her half to death.

”Sorry to wake you,” he huffed, jogging in place. ”But can you tell me what time it is?”

Jane glanced at her watch. ”8: 15,” she said through the glass.

The old man thanked her, then left.

”Just my luck,” she muttered. ”I’m parked on someone’s jogging route.”

With a sigh, she settled back into her seat and tried to fall asleep.

Two male joggers in their thirties knocked on her window. If she hadn’t been dead tired, she would have found them cute. Now, they were just annoying.

”Hi,” the blond jogger said.

”Do you have the time?” his brown-haired friend asked.

Jane sighed and looked at her watch. ”8: 19,” she said.

”Thanks,” they said, then jogged off.

Jane looked down the road and saw more joggers coming her way. Irritated, she retrieved a pen from the glove box and scrawled ’I DO NOT KNOW THE TIME’ on the back of a magazine. She put the hastily constructed sign in the window and settled back to sleep.

A thin, pale jogger knocked on the window just as she started dozing off.

Jane pointed at the sign and shouted, ”Can’t you read?”

To which he replied, ”Sure I can, ma’am. I just wanted to let you know: It’s 8: 27.”

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Joke #128505 posted in the category: Jogging jokes.

Deciding to take up jogging, the man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store. While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk: ”What is this little pocket thing here on the side for?” And the clerk: ”Oh, that’s to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you’ve jogged too far.”

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Joke #128506 posted in the category: Jogging jokes.

The Jogging Route

Jane had been driving 16 hours straight and was still at least six hours away from her destination. It was almost eight o’clock in the morning and she was very tired.
After dozing off and nearly crashing into a telephone pole, she decided to pull onto a side road and rest.
Jane turned off the car and closed her eyes... drifting off to sleep, precious sleep...
When an old man in a bright blue jogging suit knocked on her window, scaring her half to death.
”Sorry to wake you,” he huffed, jogging in place. ”But can you tell me what time it is?”
Jane glanced at her watch. ”8: 15,” she said through the glass.
The old man thanked her, then left.
”Just my luck,” she muttered. ”I’m parked on someone’s jogging route.”
With a sigh, she settled back into her seat and tried to fall asleep.
Two male joggers in their thirties knocked on her window. If she hadn’t been dead tired, she would have found them cute. Now, they were just annoying.
”Hi,” the blond jogger said.
”Do you have the time?” his brown-haired friend asked.
Jane sighed and looked at her watch. ”8: 19,” she said.
”Thanks,” they said, then jogged off.
Jane looked down the road and saw more joggers coming her way. Irritated, she retrieved a pen from the glove box and scrawled ’I DO NOT KNOW THE TIME’ on the back of a magazine. She put the hastily constructed sign in the window and settled back to sleep.
A thin, pale jogger knocked on the window just as she started dozing off.
Jane pointed at the sign and shouted, ”Can’t you read?”
To which he replied, ”Sure I can, ma’am. I just wanted to let you know: It’s 8: 27.”

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Joke #128507 posted in the category: Jogging jokes.

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