A woman went to her priest for help with a problem she had. ”Father,” she said, ”I have two female parrots who only know how to say one thing. All they will say is, ’Hi, we’re prostitutes. Want to have some fun?’ ”
”That’s obscene!” exclaimed the priest. ”Perhaps I can help. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house and we’ll place them in the cage with mine. My parrots can teach yours to praise and worship and that will stop them from saying that phrase in no time.”
The next day the woman brought her parrots to the priest’s home. When she entered, she noticed his parrots in their cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she placed her parrots in their cage. A few moments later, her parrots spoke out in unison, ”Hi, we’re prostitutes. Want to have some fun?”
One male parrot looked at the other and exclaimed, ”George, put down those damn beads. Our prayers have been answered!”
Two priests are having lunch in a restaurant when one of them says, ”Since last summer I’ve been having a serious problem with flying bats in the loft and attic at the church. I’ve tried everything to scare them off, but nothing seems to work.”
The second priest replies, ”I baptized all mine, made them members of the church and haven’t seen one since.”
A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar.
After sitting down, ordering, and chitchat the Priest says ”Have you noticed there are no women in this bar?”
He then realizes the truth ”I think we’re in a gay bar.”
A man approaches and is trying to flirt with the priest.
The priest is dumbfounded, and doesn’t know what to do.
The Rabbi leans over and whispers something in the mans ear.
The man walks off.
The Priest says ”Thanks, but what did you tell him.”
The Rabbi replies ”I just told him we’re on our honeymoon.”
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest suggests, ”Cross you arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand.” The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, ”Try saying things like, ’I see, yes, go on, and I understand. How did you feel about that?’ ”
The new priest says those things.
The old priest says, ”Now, don’t you think that’s a little better than slapping your knee and saying ’No kidding? What happened next?’ ”