Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde lady comes in and wants to bet $10, 000 on a single roll of the dice. And she adds, ”I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I m completely nude.”
With that she takes off everything but her necklace and rolls the dice while yelling, ”Mama needs new clothes.” Then she yells, ”YES, YES, YES!! I WON, I WON, I WON.”
She begins jumping up and down and hugging both of the dealers. Then she picks up her money and her clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, ”What did she roll, anyway?”
The other answers, ”I don’t know. I thought YOU were watching.”
Two Kerry men walk into a pet shop. Right away they go over to the bird section.
Gerry says to Paddy, ’Dat’s dem!’ The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them.
’Yeah, we’ll take four of dem dere birds in dat cage dere,’ says Gerry, ’Put dem in a peeper bag. ’The clerk does and the two guys pay for the birds and leave the shop. They get into Gerry’s van and drive until they are high up in the hills and stop at the top of a cliff with a 500-foot drop. ’Dis looks loike a grand place, eh?’ says Gerry. ’Oh, yeh, dis looks good,’ replies Paddy. They flip a coin and Gerry wins the toss. ’I guess I git to go first, eh Paddy?’ says Gerry. He then takes two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as his mate drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds followed by a ’SPLAT’. As Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff he shakes his head and says,
’Bugger dat, dis budgie jumpin’ is too bloody dangerous for me’
======= PART TWO =======
A minute later, Seamus arrives. He too has been to the pet shop and he, walks up carrying the familiar peeper bag. He pulls a parrot out of the bag, and then Paddy notices that, in his other hand, Seamus is carrying a gun. ’Hi, Paddy. Watch this,’ Seamus says and launches himself over the edge of the cliff. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and blows the parrot’s head off. Seamus continues to plummet until there is a SPLAT! , as he joins Gerry’s remains at the bottom. Paddy shakes his head and says, ’An’ oim never troyin’ dat parrotshooting nider’
======- PART THREE =======
A few minutes after Seamus splats himself Sean strolls up. He too has been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying the familiar ’peeper bag’. Instead of a parrot he pulls a chicken out of the bag, and launches himself off the cliff with the usual result. Once more Paddy shakes his head - ’Bugger me Sean, first der was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrot shooting and now you... bloody hen gliding’.
Al and Joe are bungee-jumping one day. Al says to Joe, ”you
know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee
jumping service in Mexico.” Joe thinks this is a great idea,
so they pool their money and buy everything they’ll need; a
tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico
and begin to set up on the square.
As they are constructing the tower a crowd begins to assemble.
Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them work. When
they had finished, there was such a crowd they thought it
would be a good idea to give a demonstration. So Al jumps.
He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up,
Joe notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.
Unfortunately, Joe isn’t able to catch him, and he falls
again, bounces again and comes back up again. This time he
is bruised and bleeding. Again Joe misses him. Al falls again
and bounces back up. This time he comes back pretty messed up.
He’s got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.
Luckily Joe catches him this time and says, ”What happened?
Was the cord too long?” Barely able to speak, Al gasps, ”No,
the bungee cord was fine. It was the crowd... WHAT THE HECK IS A PIÑATA?!!”