So this isn’t Home Sweet Home... Adjust! Martha Stewart doesn’t live here!! Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself! I clean house every other day. Today is the other day. If you write in the dust, please don’t date it! I would cook dinner but I can’t find the can opener! My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it! I came, I saw, I decided to order take out. If you don’t like my standards of cooking... lower yourstandards. Although you’ll find our house a mess, Come in, sit down, converse. It doesn’t always look like this: Some days it’s evenworse. A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen isdelirious. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand! Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for theyshall never cease to be amused. Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen andgone on to lead normal lives. My next house will have no kitchen... just vendingmachines. I’d live life in the fast lane, but I am married to aspeed bump.-0+
A woman was at home with her children when the telephone rang.
In going to answer it, she tripped on a rug, grabbed for something to hold on to and seized the telephone table. It fell over with a crash, jarring thereceiver off the hook.
As it fell, it hit the family dog, which leaped up, howling and barking. The woman’s three-year-old son, startled by this noise, broke into loud screams. The woman mumbled some colorful words.
She finally managed to pick up the receiver and lift it to her ear, just in time to hear her husband’s voice on the other end say, ”Nobody’s said hello yet, but it certainly sounds as if I have the right number.”
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the
dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several
strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, ”Why are some of
your hairs white, Mom?” Her mother replied, ”Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,
”Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”