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Letter jokes

What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers? Fang mail.


Joke #6374 posted in the category: Letter jokes.

Finally, a worthy pyramid scheme! Simply send this e-mail to 9 of your mates... INSTRUCTIONS Anaesthetise your wife/girlfriend, put her in a large carton, (don’t forget some ventilation holes), and send it to the person who is at the top of your list. Soon, your name will be at the top of the list, and you will receive 823, 542 women through the post. Statistically, among those women, there will be at least: * 0. 5 Miss Worlds, * 2. 5 supermodels, * 463 wild nymphos, * 3, 234 good-looking nymphos, * 20, 198 who enjoy multiple orgasms, * and 40, 198 bi-sexual women. In total, that is 64, 294 women who are simply hornier, less inhibited, and tastier than the miserable old cow you posted off. And, best of all, your original package is guaranteed not to be one of those that come back to you. DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN LETTER!!! One bloke for example who sent the letter to only 5 instead of 9 of his friends got his original bird back, still in the old dressing gown he sent her off in, with the same old migraine attack, and the accusatorial expression on her face. On the same day, the international supermodel he’d been living with since he sent off his old girlfriend moved out to live with his best friend (to whom he had not sent the chain letter). While I am sending this letter, the bloke that is in 6th place above me has already received 837 women and is lying in hospital suffering from exhaustion. Outside his ward are 452 more packages. YOU MUST BELIEVE THIS E-MAIL!!! This is a unique opportunity to achieve a totally satisfying sex life. No expensive meals out, no lengthy conversations about trivialities (that only interest women) just so that you can bonk her. No obligations, no grumpy mother-in-law, and no unpleasant surprises like marriage or engagement. Do not hesitate... send this letter today to 9 of your best friends. PS. - Even if you have no girlfriend, you can send your vacuum cleaner. PPS. - This letter can also be copied to women you know so that they can prepare themselves for the great adventure that they may soon undertake.


Joke #16039 posted in the category: Letter jokes.

There is a new virus. The code name is WORK. If you receive WORK from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail, or from anyone else, do not touch it under any circumstances. This virus wipes out your private life completely. If you should happen to come in contact with this virus, take five friends and go straight to the nearest bar. Order drinks immediately and after three rounds, you will find that WORK has been completely deleted from your system. Forward this virus warning immediately to at least five friends. Should you realize you do not have five friends, this means you are already infected by this virus and WORK already controls your life. If this is the case, go to the bar and stay until you make at least five friends. I think I have five friends, but am not entirely positive so I’m headed for the bar anyway... it never hurts to be safe. THANK GOODNESS I GOT THIS IN TIME!


Joke #16048 posted in the category: Letter jokes.

THANK YOU Thank you to all my friends who sent me such important emails this year! It’s so wonderful that you included me in your quest to inform! Because of all of you I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out from you that it’s good for removing toilet stains and rusting the arse out of 40-gallon drum. I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with a disease. I smell like a homeless f*@k, but thank goodness I stopped using deodorant because you said it causes cancer. I don’t leave my car in any parking lot even though I sometimes have to walk about seventeen blocks, because you said that someone might drug me with a perfume sample and then try to rob me. I also stopped answering the phone because you said that they will ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a high phone bill with calls to Uganda, Singapore, Tokyo and maybe the Mars Rover. I stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because you told me they are nothing more than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that are bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds and KFC can sell their wares. I also stopped drinking anything out of a can - you said that I would get sick from the rat faeces and urine. When I go to parties, I now don’t mix with anybody or talk to anybody - you said that someone would take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice. However, the police are also after me at present because you said not to pull over, as they could be fake policemen trying to kidnap me. I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I wrote, in anticipation of the $15, 000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their special e-mail program. It’s weird, though, that my new free cell phone never arrived, and neither did the passes for my paid vacation to Disneyland. But I am positive that all this is because of the chain I broke or forgot to follow and I got a curse.


Joke #16085 posted in the category: Letter jokes.

ARKANSAS MOTHER WRITES HER SON Dearest Redneck Son, I’m writing this slow because I know you can’t read fast. We don’t live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won’t be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn’t have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I’m not sure it works so well though. Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain... we haven’t seen them since. The weather isn’t bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days. About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out. Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven’t found out what it is yet so I don’t know if you’re an aunt or an uncle. The baby looks just like your brother. Uncle Ted fell in a whisky vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off playfully and drpwmed. We had him cremated and he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in back. They drowned because they couldn’t get the tailgate down. There isn’t much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened. Love, Mom


Joke #21235 posted in the category: Letter jokes.

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