A fish goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller’s name is Patricia Whack. So he says,
”Ms. Whack, I’d like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation.”
Patti looks at the fish in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The fish says $30, 000. The teller asks his name and the fish says that his name is Rainbow Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it’s okay, he knows the bank manager. Patti explains that $30, 000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral. The fish says,
”Sure, I have this,” and produces a tiny porcelain fly rod and reel, about an inch long; detailed and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she’ll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says,
”There’s a fish named Rainbow Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30, 000. And he wants to use this as collateral.” She holds up the tiny rod & reel.
”I mean, what the heck is this??”
The bank manager looks back at her and says:
”It’s a knick-knack, Patti Whack. Give the fish a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone.”
A frog goes into the bank and asks the teller for a loan. The teller tells the frog to see Mr. Paddywack, the loan officer.
Mr. Paddywack looks at the frog and says, ”What do you have for collateral?”
The frog pulls out of his pocket a solid silver elephant.
Mr. Paddywack looks at the elephant and says, ”I don’t know. I’m going to have to ask Mr. Larson, the bank manager to approve this.”
He goes into Mr. Larson’s office and comes back.
Two minutes later, Mr. Larson comes out with the elephant and says, ”It’s a knick-knack Paddywack, give the frog a loan!”
Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5, 000.
The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral. ”Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce”, the man said.
The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank’s underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5, 000.
Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank’s doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. ”That will be $5, 000 in principal, and $20. 30 in Interest”, the loan officer said. The man wrote out a check and started to walk away.
”Wait sir”, the loan officer said, ”while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5, 000?”
The man smiled. ”Where else could I park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $20. 30?
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5, 000. 00. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes.
The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250, 000. 00 Mercedes as collateral against a $5, 000. 00 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Mercedes into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5, 000. 00 and the interest, which comes to $15. 41. The loan officer says, ”Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5, 000. 00?” The blonde replies, ”Where else in New York City can I park my Mercedes for two weeks for only $15. 41 and expect it to be there when I return?”
FINALLY, a Smart Blonde joke!
The old native American wanted a loan for $500. The banker pulled out the loan application, ”What are you going to do with the money?” ”Take jewellery to city and sell it,” was the response.” What have you got for collateral?” ”Don’t know collateral.” ”Well that’s something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?” ”Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup.” The banker shook his head, ”How about livestock?” ”Yes, I have a horse.” ”How old is it?” ”Don’t know, has no teeth.” Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, ”Here to pay.” he said. He then handed the banker the money to pay his loan off.” What are you going to do with the rest of that money?” ”Put in tepee.” ”Why don’t you deposit it in my bank,” he asked.” Don’t know deposit.” ”You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it.” The old Indian leaned across the desk, ”What you got for collateral?”-0+