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Machine jokes

A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon.

”Care to go upstairs and do it?” the husband asked.

”Shh!” said the bride ”All the neighbors will know what we’re about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we’ll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking, ’Have you left the washing machine door open’ instead?”

So, the following night, the husband asks, ”I don’t suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?”

”No, I definitely shut it,” replied the wife who rolled over and fell asleep.

When she woke up however, she was feeling a little frisky herself and she nudged her husband and said, ”I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?”

”No, thanks,” said the husband. ”It was only a small load so I did it by hand.”


Joke #9425 posted in the category: Machine jokes.

3 guys walk into a bar. While sitting at the bar they overhear other customers talking about the blowjob machine in the bathroom. All three eventually make their way to the washroom. Sure enough there is a hole in the wall waist height with a sign saying ”blowjob machine” for only $5. Later on in the night the 3 men get together and talk, all noticing the grins on eachothers face:

the first man says ”so, I tried the blowjob machine, it was great”

the second man says ”ya, it was the best I’ve ever had”

the 2 look at the third guy, noticing the extended grin on his face and say ”boy, u must have really enjoyed it, you look very satisfied”.....

... he says ”Nope, I’m just smiling because I made $10”


Joke #10136 posted in the category: Machine jokes.

”The fees for withdrawing money from your ATM machines are expected to double, even triple. You’re gonna pay two to three as much to withdraw your money so basically the ATM machines have become full service. Instead of getting robbed at the ATM machine the ATM machine robs you. You eliminate the middle man.” - Jay Leno


Joke #12277 posted in the category: Machine jokes.

A young executive was leaving the office at 6pm when he found the CEO (=Chief Executive Officer) standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in hand. ’Listen,’ said the CEO, ’this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?’ ’Certainly,’ said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. ’Excellent, excellent!’ said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. ’I just need one copy.’


Joke #12369 posted in the category: Machine jokes.

One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man. - Elbert Hubbard


Joke #13649 posted in the category: Machine jokes.

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