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Marine jokes


So one night, the farmer gets drunk. He grabs his wife’s tits and says, ”If these could give milk, we could get rid of the cows.”

He grabs her butt and says, ”If this could give eggs, we could get rid of the chickens.”

The wife grabs the farmer’s dick and says, ”And if this stayed hard, we could get rid of your brother.”

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Joke #9156 posted in the category: Marine jokes.

President Bush is creating a Marine sanctuary in the Pacific Ocean off the northwest islands of Hawaii.

You know what that means?

No oil there!

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Joke #9508 posted in the category: Marine jokes.

A squad of U. S. Marines are sleeping soundly in their bunker when the

drill sergeant kicks open the door and yells, ”Okay ladies, form up

outside in 5, this is a birthday suit inspection!” So, all the Marines

race outside and line up. The drill sergeant walks up to the first Marine

and slaps him on the chest with his baton.

Sergeant: ”Did that hurt?”

1st Marine: ”No, sir!”

Sergeant: ”Why not?”

1st Marine: ”Because I’m a U. S. Marine, sir!”

So, the drill sergeant walks up to the second Marine and slaps him on the

butt with his baton.

Sergeant: ”Did that hurt?”

2nd Marine: ”No, sir!”

Sergeant: ”Why not?

2nd Marine: ”Because I’m a U. S. Marine, sir!”

So the drill sergeant walks on and notices this guy with this huge

erection. He can’t resist. *WHAM* He smacks this guys penis as hard as he

can.

Sergeant: ”Did THAT hurt?”

3rd Marine: ”No, sir!”

Sergeant: ”Why not?”

3rd Marine: ”Because it’s the guys’ behind me, sir!”

-1+

Joke #11714 posted in the category: Marine jokes.

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.

”You’ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded. ”Or just a bed, I don’t care where.”

”Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manager, ”and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I’m not sure it’d be worth it to you.”

”No problem,” the tired Marine assured him. ”I’ll take it.”

The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. ”How’d you sleep?” Asked the manager.

”Never better.”

The manager was impressed. ”No problem with the other guy snoring, then?”

”Nope, I shut him up in no time.” Said the Marine.

”How’d you manage that?” asked the manager.

”He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,” the Marine explained. ”I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, ’Goodnight, beautiful,’ and he sat up all night watching me.”

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Joke #21094 posted in the category: Marine jokes.

My husband’s cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service.

They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears... one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb.

When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress.

”See, Connor?” he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. ”That’s Daddy.”

Connor’s eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, ”You used to be a bear?”

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Joke #21648 posted in the category: Marine jokes.

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