Funny Jokes db

Funny jokes for every day

Members jokes


Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, ”When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.”

The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less.

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, ”I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”

The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, ”It’s just 99 cents a word.” Well, with only $1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.

After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, ”I want you to send her the word, ’comfortable.’ ”

The telegraph operator shakes his head. ”How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, ’comfortable?’ ”

The brunette explains, ”My sister’s blonde. She’ll read it slow.”

-0+

Joke #227 posted in the category: Members jokes.

Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat. Then he went about his fishing.

An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth...

-238+

Joke #969 posted in the category: Members jokes.

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R & R and was on a train bound for London.
The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
The war-weary soldier asked, ”Please, ma’am, may I sit in that seat?”
The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, ”You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can’t you see my little Fifi is using that seat?”
The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.
Again he asked, ”Please, lady. May I sit there? I’m very tired.”
The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, ”You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!”
The soldier didn’t say anything else. He leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.
The woman shrieked and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier. An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, ”You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.
You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you’ve thrown the wrong bitch out of the window.”

-1+

Joke #1667 posted in the category: Members jokes.

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess’ lap and said: ”Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am, and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my Mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy, doing so.”

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs, seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought: ”I don’t fuckin’ THINK so....”

-0+

Joke #1690 posted in the category: Members jokes.

A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar.

They

talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.

They get back to

her place, and as she shows him around her

apartment, he notices

that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy

bears.

Hundreds of

small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium

sized

ones

on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears on the top shelf along

the

wall.

The man is kind of surprised that this woman would

have a collection of

teddy

bears, especially one that’s so

extensive, but he decides not to

mention this to her.

He turns to

her... they kiss... and then they rip each others clothes

off and make

love.

After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there

together in

the

afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling,

”Well, how was it?”

The woman says, ”You can have any prize

-0+

Joke #2691 posted in the category: Members jokes.

Next page »
© Copyright 2017 funnydb.netfunny jokestop jokesbest jokes for everyone