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Mom and Dad jokes


Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog had recently died. ”You know, it’s not your fault that the dog died. He’s probably up in heaven right now, having a grand old time with God.” Susie, still crying, said ”What would God want with a dead dog?”

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Joke #1369 posted in the category: Mom and Dad jokes.

A woman got on a bus holding a baby.

The

bus driver said: ”That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”

In

a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an

aisle seat near the rear of the bus.

The man seated next to her

sensed that she was agitated and asked her

what was

wrong.

”The bus driver insulted me,” she fumed.

The man sympathized and

said: ”Why, he’s a public servant and

shouldn’t say things to

insult passengers.”

”You’re right,” she said. ”I think I’ll go back

up there and give

him a piece of my mind.”

”That’s a good

idea,” the man said. ”Here, let me hold your

monkey.”

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Joke #5415 posted in the category: Mom and Dad jokes.

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. ”I love my daughter, and now I welcome you

into the family,” said the man. ”To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations.”

The son-in-law interrupted, ”I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”

”I see,” replied the father-in-law. ”Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”

”I hate office work,” said the son-on-law. ”I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk all day.”

”Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. ”I just made you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don’t

like factories and won’t work in a office. What am I going to do with you?”

”Easy,” said the young man. ”Buy me out.”

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Joke #9019 posted in the category: Mom and Dad jokes.

A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.

It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby.

The child did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.

The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby.

”Hit him again,” the 5-year-old said. ”He shouldn’t have crawled up there in the first place!”

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Joke #11391 posted in the category: Mom and Dad jokes.

Mom and Dad are in the iron and

steel

business.

She does the ironing and he does the stealing.

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Joke #12654 posted in the category: Mom and Dad jokes.

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