An Elephant And Monkey Are Walking Through The Jungle When The Elephant Falls In A Big Hole.
the Elephant Yells Up To The Monkey Get Me Out Of Here
the Monkey Thinks About It And Say’s Hold On I Will Run Home And Get My Corvett And Pull You Out.
so The Next Day They Are Walking Through The Jungle And The Monkey Falls In The Hole.
the Monkey Yells Up To The Elephant Get Me Out Of Here
the Elephant Repllies Well Here I Will Put My Shlong In The Hole And You Shimmy Up And We Will Be On Our Way.
so The Monkey And Elephant Were Walking Through The Jungle And The Monkey Say’s What The Hell Is The Moral Of This Story?
the Elephant Say’s If Ya Got A Big Shlong You Dont Need A Fancy Car
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said ”I wish you could talk.”
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.
”You can understand what I’m saying?” asked the officer.
Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.
”Well, did you see this?”
”Yes,” motioned the monkey.
The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
”They were drinking?” asked the officer.
The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
”They were smoking marijuana?”
”Now wait, you’re saying your owners were drinking, and smoking marijuana before they wrecked.”
”What were you doing during all this?”
”Driving” motioned the monkey.
A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps on to the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone’s amazement somehow swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, ”Did you see what your monkey did?”
The guy says, ”No, what?”
”He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!”
”Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replies the guy. ”He eats everything in sight. Sorry. I’ll pay for everything.”
The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.
Two weeks later, he’s in the bar again, and his pet monkey is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it in his butt, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. ”Did you see what your monkey did now?” he asks.
”No, what?” replied the guy. ”Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry in his butt, pulled it out and ate it!” said the bartender.
”Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the guy. He still eats everything in sight but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first.”
One day a lion was walking around the jungle sad and lonely, when he spotted a monkey up in a tree. He yelled up to the monkey to come down and play, but the monkey was too scared. So the lion asked the monkey what he could do to make him feel comfortable enough to come down. The monkey said, ”If you tie yourself up I’ll come down.” So the lion ties himself up, but as the monkey came down he started shaking.
The lion said, ”Hey, monkey, you don’t have to be scared! I’m not going to eat you; I’m tied up real tight.”
”I know,” said the monkey. ”That’s not why I’m shaking.”
”So why are you shaking?” asked the lion.
”Well,” said the monkey, ”it’s just that I’ve never had sex with a lion before.”