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A Man Is Walking Down The Street With A Monkey On His Shoulder. He Is Also Holding An Accordian, Because He’s A Musician. He Makes His Living Playing The Accordian, While The Monkey Dances To The Music, Which In Turn People Throw Them Money. The Musician Also Has A Good Ear For Music. If You Ask Him To Play A Tune, He’ll Play It. The Musician Decides To Take A Load Off At A Nearby Bar. He Wallks Inside, Notices A Small Crowd Of People. He Walks Over To The Counter And Sits Down. At That Very Moment A Bar Patron Next To Him Orders A Beer. ”hey, Mac!” , ”gimme A Beer!” ”one Beer Comin’ Up!” Replies The Bartender. The Bartender Grabs An Empty Mug, Fills It Up To The Brim. ”one Beer Comin’ Down!” Shouts The Bartender. He Slides The Beer Mug Down, And The Guy Grabs It, Picks It Up, Takes A Sip And Puts It Down On The Counter. At That Very Moment, The Monkey Jumps Off The Musician’s Shoulders And Climbs Up On Top Of The Man’s Beer Mug. While The Monkey Is Sitting On Top Of The Beer Mug, His Nuts Fall Into The Beer Mug. The Man Reaches For His Beer Mug To Take Another Drink, When He Notices This Monkey Sitting On Top Of His Beer Mug With His Nuts Dangling Inside His Beer. The Man Replies, ”what The Hell”. The Man Taps The Musician On The Shoulder And Says ”hey, Man Do You Know Your Monkey’s Nuts Is In My Beer?!!!” ”gee, Man I’m Sorry, I Don’t Know That One”.

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Joke #9309 posted in the category: Musician jokes.

A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn’t improve.

Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, ”When a musician just can’t handle his instrument and doesn’t improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer.”

A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: ”And if he can’t handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor.”

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Joke #12575 posted in the category: Musician jokes.

A tourist in Vienna goes through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source.
He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: ”Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827.”
Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony, and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him. By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar.
When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.
By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward.
Just then the graveyard’s caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the group asks him if he has an explanation for the music.
”Don’t you get it?” the caretaker says incredulously. ”He’s decomposing.”

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Joke #20479 posted in the category: Musician jokes.

Q: How many musicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, two, one, two, three, four!

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Joke #27603 posted in the category: Musician jokes.

Q: How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in, and one to complain that it’s electrified.

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Joke #27816 posted in the category: Musician jokes.

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