A man walks into a sports bar with his dog. A NASCAR Sprint Cup race is on a TV. He sits down and asks how Dale Earnhardt Jr. is doing. The bartender says ”Dale Jr is in 35th, not doing so well”. The man’s dog jumps up, and runs around
the barstool 35 times.
A few laps later, the bartender says ”Earnhardt is up to 15th!” The dog jumps up again and runs around the barstool 15 times. A couple laps later, the bartender excitedly says ”Earnhardt is up to 2nd!” after which the dog again jumps up and runs around the barstool 2 more times...
The bartender says ”WOW!! That dog is amazing!! What does he do if Dale Jr. wins?”
”I don’t know”, says the man, ”I’ve only had him for 3 years!”
There were three NASCAR fans on their way to a race, when they see an accident on the side of the road so they pull over! They go to help the victim, but they realize she is naked, so they take off their hats.
The first guy was a Earnhardt fan, and put his hat over her left breast.
The second guy was a Elliot fan, and put it over her right breast!! The last guy was a Gordon fan, and put his hat over her crotch.
When the police arrived, the officer looks at the girl and goes to evaluate. He first picks up the Earnhardt hat, puts it back down and writes something down. He does the same with the Elliot hat. Then he picks up the Gordon hat and puts it down then picks it up again.
He does this several times until the Gordon fan says, ”What are you? Some kind of pervert?”
The officer replies, ”No, I just usually find an asshole under one of these hats.”
How Come No Mexicans Ever Win At The Indy 500?
1. They’re All Riding Horses At The Preakness
2. They Can’t Reach The Gas Peddle Cause Their Legs Are Too Short! He He
3. Their Cars Are Too Low, And They Spark Out And Explode!
4. Those Little White Wall Retread Tires Shred And Disintegrate!
5. They Have Excess Weight In The Trunk From Smuggling Operations!
6. They Always Bring Their Relatives With Then In The Car!
Court Case In The News
(ap) - A Seven-year Old Boy Was At The Center Of A Courtroom Drama
yesterday When He Challenged A Court Ruling Over Who Should Have Custody Of Him.
the Boy Had History Of Being Beaten By His Parents And The Judge Initially
awarded Custody To His Aunt, In Keeping With Child Custody Law And
regulations Requiring That Family Unity Be Maintained To The Degree
the Boy Surprised The Court When He Proclaimed That His
aunt Beat Him More Than His Parents And He Adamantly Refused To Live
with Her. When The Judge Then Suggested That He Live With His
grandparents, The Boy Cried Out That They Also Beat Him.
after Considering The Remainder Of The Immediate Family
and Learning That Domestic Violence Was Apparently A Way Of Life Among
them, The Judge Took The Unprecedented Step Of Allowing The Boy To
propose Who Should Have Custody Of Him. After Two Recesses To Check
legal References And Confer With Child Welfare Officials, The Judge
granted Temporary Custody To Jeff Gordon, Whom The Boy
firmly Believes Is Not Capable Of Beating Anyone.
he Had Seen Jeff Gordon Race And Knows He Couldn’t Beat Anyone....