At the end of the night a
man leaves the bar.
Outside he sees a nun. He walks over to her and
slaps her in the face.
Then he punches her in the stomach and knocks
He proceeds to kick her several times and when he’s
done he bends down
to her and says, ”not so tough tonight, are you
Three nuns were talking. The first nun said ”I was cleaning the Fathers room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines”
”What did you do?” the other nuns asked.
”Well, of course I threw them in the trash”
The second nun said, ” Well, I can top that. I was in Fathers room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms”
”Oh my” gasped the other nuns. ”What did you do?” they asked.
”I poked holes in all of them” she replied.
The third nun said, ”Oh shit.”
It’s Father O’Brien’s night to hear confessions, and there are four nuns in the lineup. The first nun goes into the confessional and says, ”Bless me, Father, for I have sinned, and I should let you know right off that I touched a man with my finger!”
”Oh lass! ’Tis nothin’, you could have been in a crowded elevator or some similar place,” the priest says.
”Oh no, Father!” exclaims the nun. ”I touched him right on his private parts!” ›
”You slut! You filthy tart!” screams the good father. ”Say a hundred Hail Mary’s and dip your finger in the holy water on the way out of the church!” Which she does.
The second nun enters the confessional and says, ”Bless me, Father, for I have sinned, and I want to say that I held a man with my hand.”
”Oh lass! ’Tis nothin’, you might have stumbled and he lent you a hand,” the priest says.
”Oh no, Father!” exclaims the nun. ”I held his private parts right in my hand!”
”Why you slut! You whore!” roars the good Father. ”Say a thousand Hail Mary’s and dip your hand in the holy water on the way out of the church!” Which she did.
At this point, the fourth nun taps the third nun on the shoulder and says, ”Excuse me sister, but would you mind terribly if I went ahead of you?”
”Now why would you be wantin’ to do that, I wonder?” asks the third nun.
To which the fourth nun replies, ”Well, it looks as if I’m going to have to gargle with the holy water, and I want to do so before you sit in it!”
Two nuns went out of the convent to sell cookies. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical(SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SL: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past half-hour?
SM. : Yes, I wonder what he wants.
SL: It’s logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is that we have to start walking faster.
SM: It is not working.
SL: Of course it is not working. The man did the only obvious thing to do. He started to walk faster too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I’ll go this way. He cannot follow both of us. So the man decided to go after Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried because Sister Logical has not yet arrived. Finally, Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell us what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man could not follow both of us, so he followed me.
SM: So, what happened? Please tell us.
SL: The only logical thing to happen. I started to run as fast as I could.
SM: So what happened?
SL: The only logical thing to happen. The man also started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And what else?
SL: The only logical thing to happen. He reached me.
SM: Oh, no! What did you do then?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister. What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn’t it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.
Two nuns were in back of the convent smoking cigarettes, when one said ’It’s bad enough that we have to sneak out here to smoke, but it really is a problem getting rid of the cigarette butts so that Mother Superior doesn’t find them.’
The second nun said, ’I’ve found a marvelous invention called the condom, which works really well for this problem. You just open the packet up, take out the condom, and put the cigarette butt in, roll it up, and dispose of it all later!’
The first nun was quite impressed and asked where she could find them.
’You get them at the drug store, sister, just go and ask the pharmacist for them.’
The next day the good sister went to the drug store and walked up to the counter.
’Good morning sister,’ said the pharmacist. ’What can I do for you today?’
’I’d like some condoms please’ said the nun.
The pharmacist was a little taken aback, but recovered soon enough and asked, ’How many boxes would you like -- there are twelve to a box.’
’I’ll take six boxes that should last about a week’ said the nun.
The pharmacist was truly flabbergasted by this time, and was almost afraid to ask any more questions, but his professionalism prevailed and he asked in a clear voice, ’Sister, what size condoms would you like? We have large, extra large, and the big liar size.’
The sister thought for a minute, and finally said, ’I’m not certain, perhaps you could recommend a good size for a Camel?
The pharmacist fainted.