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Yo mama so ugly, that when she wore Pepper Jack panties, even the rats wouldn’t eat her.

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Joke #584 posted in the category: Office jokes.

A pheasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull. ”I would love to be able to get to the top of yonder tree’, sighed the pheasant, ’but I haven’t got the energy.”

’Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. ’They’re packed with nutrients.”

The pheasant pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. And so on.

Finally, after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Whereupon he was spotted by a farmer who dashed into the farmhouse, emerged with a shotgun, and shot the pheasant right out of the tree.

Moral of the Story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there

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Joke #811 posted in the category: Office jokes.

Q: What can a goose do, a duck can’t, and a lawyer should?
A: Stick his bill up his ass!

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Joke #1156 posted in the category: Office jokes.

What do you call a lonely fisherman?

A Master-Baiter.

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Joke #1599 posted in the category: Office jokes.

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying: HELP WANTED Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer. A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, ”I can’t hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type.” The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, ”The sign says you have to be good with a computer.” The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager. By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded! He looked at the dog and said, ”I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can’t give you the job.” The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the part about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, ”Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual.” The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, ”Meow.”

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Joke #1723 posted in the category: Office jokes.

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