In Mississippi, a guy sees a sign in front of a house:
”Talking Dog for Sale.”
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
”You talk?” he asks.
”Yep,” the mutt replies.
”So, what’s your story?”
The mutt looks up and says, ”Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says, ”Ten dollars.”
The guy says, ”This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?”
The owner replies, ”He’s just a big liar. He didn’t do any of that stuff.”
A tourist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.
”Oh, about $200 today,” said the rancher. ”But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I’m out.”
The tourist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.
”Here,” he said, ”is the check for $900. It’s postdated six years from now.”
One day, Gramma sent her grandson Peter down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma’s kitchen.
”Now, where’s my bucket and my water?” Gramma asked him.
”I can’t get any water from that water hole, Gramma” cried Peter. ”There’s a big ol’ alligator down there!”
”Now don’t you mind that ol’ alligator, Peter. He’s been there for a few years now, and he’s never hurt no one. Why, he’s probably as scared of you as you are of him!”
”Well, Gramma,” replied Peter. ”If he’s as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain’t fit to drink!”