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A woman got on a bus holding a baby.

The

bus driver said: ”That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”

In

a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an

aisle seat near the rear of the bus.

The man seated next to her

sensed that she was agitated and asked her

what was

wrong.

”The bus driver insulted me,” she fumed.

The man sympathized and

said: ”Why, he’s a public servant and

shouldn’t say things to

insult passengers.”

”You’re right,” she said. ”I think I’ll go back

up there and give

him a piece of my mind.”

”That’s a good

idea,” the man said. ”Here, let me hold your

monkey.”

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Joke #5415 posted in the category: Parent jokes.

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. ”I love my daughter, and now I welcome you

into the family,” said the man. ”To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations.”

The son-in-law interrupted, ”I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”

”I see,” replied the father-in-law. ”Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”

”I hate office work,” said the son-on-law. ”I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk all day.”

”Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. ”I just made you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don’t

like factories and won’t work in a office. What am I going to do with you?”

”Easy,” said the young man. ”Buy me out.”

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Joke #9019 posted in the category: Parent jokes.

A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.

It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby.

The child did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.

The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby.

”Hit him again,” the 5-year-old said. ”He shouldn’t have crawled up there in the first place!”

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Joke #11391 posted in the category: Parent jokes.

Meaning of... ’potentially’ and ’realistically’

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, ”Dad, what is the

difference between ’potentially’ and ’realistically’?”

The father thought for a moment, then answered, ”Go ask your mother

if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask

your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars,

and then, ask your brother if he’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million

dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.”

So the boy went to his mother and asked, ”Would you sleep with Brad

Pitt for a million dollars?”

The mother replied, ”Of course, I would! We could really use that

money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!”

The boy then went to his sister and asked, ”Would you sleep with Brad

Pitt for a million dollars?”

The girl replied, ”Oh, good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would

sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?”

The boy then went to his brother and asked, ”Would you sleep with

Brad Pitt for a million dollars?”

”Of course,” the brother replied. ”Do you know how much a million

bucks would buy?”

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.

His father asked him, ”Did you find out the difference between

’potentially’ and ’realistically’?”

The boy replied, ”Yes, ’Potentially’, you and I are sitting on three

million dollars, but ’realistically’, we’re living with two hookers

and a future congressman.”

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Joke #14451 posted in the category: Parent jokes.

The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.” It was enough to make anybody faint,” he said. ”My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower!”

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Joke #15664 posted in the category: Parent jokes.

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