THE PENIS WANTS A RAISE IN SALARY
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
1. I do physical labor.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I plunge head first into everything I do.
4. I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
5. I work in a damp environment.
6. I work in a dark area that has poor ventilation.
7. I work in high temperatures.
8. My work exposes me to diseases.
After assessing your request, & considering the arguments you have
raised, the management denies your request for the following reasons:
1. You do not work 8 hours straight.
2. You WORK IN SHORT SPURTS & fall asleep after EACH brief work period.
3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
4. You do not stay in your designated area, & are often seen visiting
A man walks into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that he would like a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his penis. Disgusted, the tattoo artist replies,” I do NOT tattoo ANYTHING on ANYONES penis.” The man repeats, ”Please, I really, really, want a hundred dollar bill tattooed on my penis.” The tattoo artist again tells the man that he will not tattoo a hundred dollar bill on his penis. After a while of begging and pleading for a hundred dollar bill to be tattooed on his penis, the tattoo artist finally says, ”Alright, give me three good reasons why you want a hundred dollar bill tattooed on your penis?” To which the man replied, ”Well, I like to play with my money, and, I like to watch my money grow, and.......... my wife can blow a hundred bucks in 30 seconds”-0+
Jack goes to the doctor and says ”Doc I’m having trouble getting my penis erect, can you help me?” After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, ”Well the problem is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There’s really nothing I can do for you unless you’re willing to try an experimental treatment.” Jack asks sadly, ”And that would be?” ”Well,” the Doctor explains, ”What we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your penis.” Jack thinks about it silently then says, ”Well the thought of going through life without ever having sex again is too much, let’s go for it.” Jack went under the knife, and, after a period of recovery and healing, returned to the Doc for his blessing. Following the examination, the Doc pronounced Jack ”healed and ready for action”. Eager to use his experimentally enhanced equipment, Jack planned a romantic evening for his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town, anticipating a happy conclusion to the evening. In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being painful. To release the pressure, Jack placed his napkin on his lap and unzipped his fly. His penis immediately sprung from his pants, flipped the napkin on the floor, went to the top of the table, grabbed a roll and then returned to his pants! His girlfriend was stunned at first but then, imagining the possibilities, said with a sly smile and a gleam in her eye, ”That was incredible! Can you do it again?” Jack groaned, ”Probably, but I don’t think I can fit another roll in my ass.”-0+
A guy walks into a bar with his horse and offers $100 to anybody who can make the horse laugh. Only one guy says he can do it, and he whispers something in the horse’s ear. Sure enough, the horse laughs his head off.
So the following week, the guy is back in the bar with his horse again, but his time he offers $200 to anyone who can make the horse cry. The same guy comes up to him, then whispers to the horse and they go off to the bathroom. Amazingly, when they come back, the horse is sobbing. The horse’s owner goes over to the other guy, and says: ”Hey, I just gotta know - how did you do that?”
”Simple,” he replies, ”last week I told him I had a bigger cock than him. This week I showed him....”
Bob goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bob’s standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak. Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help him out. Being a kind soul, Bob says, ”Ah, OK, sure, I’ll help you.” The man asks, ”Can you unzip my zipper?” Bob says, ”OK.” Then the man says, ”Can you pull it out for me?” Bob replies, ”Uh, yeah, OK.” Bob pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and reeks something awful. Then the guy asks Bob to point it for him, and Bob points it for him. Bob then shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up. The guy tells Bob, ”Thanks, man, I really appreciate it.” Bob says, ”No problem, but what the hell’s wrong with your penis?” The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt and says, ”I don’t know, but I ain’t touching it.-0+