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Physics jokes


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A jump lead walks into a bar and asks for a drink.
The bar tender says ”Ok, but don’t start anything”

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Joke #10461 posted in the category: Physics jokes.

Dean, to the physics department. ”Why do I always have to give you guys so

much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn’t

you be like the math department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and

waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they

need are pencils and paper.”

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Joke #15487 posted in the category: Physics jokes.

The following concerns a question in a physics degree exam at the University of Copenhagen:

”Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer.”

One student replied:

”You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building.”

This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed immediately. The student appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case.

The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer that showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics.

For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought.

The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn’t make up his mind which to use. On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows:

”Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula H = 0. 5g * t squared. But bad luck on the barometer.”

”Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you measure the length of the skyscraper’s shadow, and thereafter it is a simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work out the height of the skyscraper.”

”But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force T = 2 pi sqr root (l / g).”

”Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up.”

”If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building.”

”But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitor’s door and say to him ’If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper’.”

The student was Niels Bohr, the only Dane to win the Nobel Prize for Physics.

”An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made, in a very narrow field.” - Niels Bohr

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Joke #28227 posted in the category: Physics jokes.

Heisenberg is out for a drive when he’s stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says ”Do you know how fast you were going?”

Heisenberg says ”No, but I know where I am.”

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Joke #28228 posted in the category: Physics jokes.

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.” Why do we have to learn this stuff?” one young man blurted out.” To save lives,” the professor responded before continuing the lecture. A few minutes later the student spoke up again. ”So how does physics save lives?” The professor stared at the student for a long time without saying a word. Finally the professor continued.” Physics saves lives,” he said, ”because it keeps certain people out of medical school.”

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Joke #28241 posted in the category: Physics jokes.

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