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Pirate jokes


A pirate walks into a bar with a mangy, infected parrot on his shoulder.

The bartender says, ”You shouldn’t be that close to something so disgusting, such a low-life animal.”

The pirate says, ”Arr, it’s ok, he’s had his shots.”

Then the bartender says, ”I was talking to the parrot!”

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Joke #5711 posted in the category: Pirate jokes.

A pirate was talking to a ”land-lubber” in a bar. The land-lubber noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this guy had a peg leg, a hook in place of one of his hands, and a patch over one eye. The land-lubber just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape. He asked the pirate, ”How did you loose your leg?”

The pirate responded, ”I lost me leg in a battle off the coast of Jamaica!” His new acquaintance was still curious so he asked, ”What about you hand. Did you lose it at the same time?”

”No,” answered the pirate. ”I lost it to the sharks off the Florida Keys.” Finally, the land-lubber asked, ”I notice you also have an eye patch. How did you lose your eye?”

The pirate answered, ”I was sleeping on a beach when a seagull flew over and crapped right in me eye.” The land-lubber asked: ”How could a little seagull crap make you loose your eye?”

The pirate snapped, ”It was the day after I got me hook.”

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Joke #7018 posted in the category: Pirate jokes.

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, ”Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!”

”What do you mean? I’m fine.”

”What about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”

”Well,” said the pirate, ”We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the Doc fixed me up, and I’m fine, really.”

”Oh yeah? Well what about that hook? The last time I saw you, you had both hands.”

”We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the Doc fixed me up with the hook, and I feel great, really.”

”Oh,” said the bartender, ”what about that eye patch? The last time you were in here you had both eyes.”

”One day when we were at sea some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up and one of them crapped in my eye.”

”You’re kidding,” said the bartender, ”you couldn’t have lost an eye just from some bird crap!”

”Well, I really wasn’t used to the hook yet.”

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Joke #7047 posted in the category: Pirate jokes.

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, an hook, and an eye patch.

The seaman asks, ”So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?”

The pirate replies ”We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept over board into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off.”

”Wow!” said the seaman. ”What about your hook”?

”Well...” , replied the pirate, ”We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords when one of the enemy cut my hand off.”

”Incredible!” remarked the seaman. ”How did you get the eye patch”?

”A seagull dropping fell into my eye.” , replied the pirate.

”You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” the sailor asked increduously.

”Well...” , said the pirate, ”.. it was also my first day with the hook.”

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Joke #7223 posted in the category: Pirate jokes.

a pirate walks into a bar and the tender asks ”Why do you have that steering wheel hanging out of your pants?”

The pirate says,” Ayyy... It’s driving me nuts.”

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Joke #8074 posted in the category: Pirate jokes.

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