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Pizza jokes


1. Your ’Imbruglia’ hairdo has turned into a ’Bronwyn Bishop’.... and you’ve stopped caring.

2. You have absolutely no idea where you’re shoes are.

3. The ”Chicken Dance Song” seems like a really good tune.

4. You mistake a police car from a cab and shout obscenities when it doesn’t stop for you.

5. You’ve started having a row with yourself. Out loud.

6. You’ve just had to get someone to help you pull your pants up in the ladies loo because you tried twice and ended up on the floor on your bum..... And it was wet.

7. You bump into people on their way to work.

8. You keep dancing into people and you’ve fallen off the podium - twice.

9. They’ve stacked all the chairs and turned the lights on.

10. You’ve been flashing your boobs at passers by.

11. Creme De Menthe, Advocaat or Grenadine suddenly seem to be viable drink options.

12. You start crying.

13. You can’t stop.

14. There are less than three hours before you’re due to start work.

15. You’ve found a deeper side to the office nerd.

16. The man you’re pashing used to be your 5th grade teacher.

17. The urge to take all your clothes off, stand on a table and sing ”Fever” become strangely overwhelming.

18. You’ve forgotten where you live.

19. You seem to be seeing more of the toilet bowl than the dance floor.

20. You’ve just sung ”I’m horny, horny horny horny...” to a passing police man.

21. You notice that there’s vomit on your dress and suspect that it’s yours.

22. You’ve started to sound like Tommy Raudonikis from the 60 fags you’ve smoked.

23. You keep missing your mouth with your drink.

24. You can’t taste the gin in your gin and tonic.

25. You think you’re in bed but your pillow feels strangely like pizza.

26. You tell your worst enemy that you’ve always loved her really.

27. The stairs take on the appearance of that really really really steep slippery dip at Luna Park.

28. You’ve started offering ’oral pleasure’ to any male who’ll listen.

29. You start every conversation with, ”Don’t take this the wrong way but...”

30. You fail to notice that the toilet lid’s down when you sit on it.

31. You challenge the doorman to an arm wrestling competition.

32. You have to be restrained from ’stage-diving’ from the top of the stairs.

33. You’re sitting on the floor. On your own.

34. You show your mates that girls can wee standing up if they really want to.

35. You decide to audition for ’StarSearch’ via the security cameras.

36. You rediscover your childhood gymnastic skills. On Hay Street.

37. You realise why you gave up gymnastics.

38. You think three blokes are chatting you up when there’s actually only one.

39. You drop your 3am burger on the floor, pick it up and carry on eating.

40. The entire club has seen your pants. Twice

41. Most of them against their will.

42. You can’t see you own face to reapply your long gone make-up. And you have profoundly discovered that your mascara tastes like chicken.

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Joke #7873 posted in the category: Pizza jokes.

A pizza was waiting in the stomach to be digested, then suddenly a whiskey came along. Pizza thought: ”Ok. I’ll let him pass, there’s no hurry. Two minutes later another whiskey comes by and pizza let him pass too, but two minutes later when the next one got there, pizza stoped him: ”What’s going on out there?” it asked. ”Why, there’s a party going on!! It’s great! They’re having the most fun!!” the whiskey replied. And pizza said: ”Great, I’ll go check it out!”

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Joke #10859 posted in the category: Pizza jokes.

10. When filling out your driver’s license application you give your IP address.

9. You no longer ask prospective dates what their sign is, instead your line is ”Hi, what’s your URL?”

8. Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail.

7. You’re amazed to find out spam is a food.

6. You ”ping” people to see if they’re awake, ”finger” them to find out how they are, and ”AYT” them to make sure they’re listening to you.

5. You search the Net endlessly hoping to win every silly free T-shirt contest.

4. You introduce your wife as ”my lady@home. wife” and refer to your children as ”client applications”.

3. At social functions you introduce your husband as ”my domain server”.

2. After winning the office super bowl pool you blurt out, ”I feel so colon-right parentheses!”

And the number one sign you are an Internet Geek:

1. Two Words: ”Pizza’s Here!”

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Joke #16767 posted in the category: Pizza jokes.

1. Tech Support calls ”YOU” for help.

2. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say ”LOL” out loud.

3. You find yourself trying to cock your head 90 degrees when you smile.

4. You have called out someone’s screen name while making love to your significant other.

5. You keep begging your friends to get an account so ”we can hang out”.

6. Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

7. If you are male and see a female in the ”Real” world that you wish to meet, your first thought is to IM her.

8. If you are female and you see a male in the ”Real” world that you wish to meet, your first thought is that you wish he’d IM you.

9. You don’t understand the humor in the above mentioned #7 and #8 since the ”real” world is at your fingertips.

10. You have to get a 2nd phone line just so you can call Pizza Hut.

11. When you have sex, you no longer are concerned about sexually transmitted diseases.

12. You walk into a room, and, finding that it has more than 23 people, you inform management that there is an error.

13. When looking at signs, you wonder why they are always ”yelling” at you.

14. You go up to people you are attracted to ”in real life” and ask them for their GIF.

15. Although you don’t know what they look like, you become insanely jealous of people hitting on your cyber-love.

16. You don’t even know what your cyber-love looks like.

17. When at work, your boss constantly reminds you that the word i should be capitalized.

18. You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on.

19. Your spouse now complains of you moving your fingers in your sleep instead of talking.

20. Your kids are eating cereal morning, noon, and night.

21. When someone says, ”What did you say?” you reply, ”Scroll up!”

22. You find yourself sneaking away to the computer in the middle of the night when your spouse is asleep.

23. You turn down the lights & close the blinds so people won’t know you’re on-line again.

24. You know more about your AOL friends’ daily routines than you do your wn spouse’s.

25. You find yourself lying to others about your time on-line & when they complain that your phone was busy you claim it was off the hook.

26. You have an identity crisis if someone is using a screen name close to your own.

27. You would rather tell people that your bloodshot eyes are from partying too much than the truth (online all night).

28. You change your screen names so much that you have to look at your own profile to see who you are.

29. You go into labor and you stop to type a special E-mail to let everyone know you’re going to be away and how you’re feeling.

30. You marry your cyberboyfriend/girlfriend and you both sit at your own computers & chat to each other every night from across the room.

31. You type messages to people while you are on the phone with them at the same time.

32. You understand the humor in all of these jokes because you have committed then yourself!

33. Your dog leaves you.

34. You are doing things more and more that you swore you would never do when you first got online.

35. You sign on & immediately get 10 IMs from people who have you on their buddy list.

36. You have a map on the wall w/ LOTS of red thumbtacks to mark where people are you have met.

37. You look at an annoying person off-line & wish you had your ignore button handy.

38. You bring a bag lunch & a cooler to the computer.

39. Your significant other kisses your neck while you’re chatting and you think, ”Uh oh, cyber sex perv”.

40. You go thru ”withdrawal” if you are away from the computer for more than a few hours.

41. Your buddy list has over 100 people on it.

42. You understand what BIF ISO BIM means. (I wonder how many will get this one... If so, you’ve been hanging out in *strange* places).

43. You wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is get online before you have your first cup of coffee.

44. You have to inject no-doze into your butt to keep it awake.

45. You have your computer set so it goes directly into AOL’s welcome screen.

46. You wait 6 hours online for a certain ”special” person to come home from work.

47. You don’t know where the time has gone.

48. You end sentences with 3 (or more) periods while writing letters by hand.

49. Your relationship online has gone farther than any real one you have had.

50. You get up at 2 am to go to the bathroom but turn on the computer instead.

51. You don’t even notice anymore when someone has a typo.

52. You enter a room & 23 people greet you w/ {{hugs}} or **kisses**.

53. You stop typing whole words and use things like ppl, dunno and lemme.

54. Your voicemail/answering machine message is ”BRB, leave your s/n & I will TTYL”.

55. You type faster than you think.

56. You got your psychiatrist addicted to AOL too & are now undergoing therapy in private rooms instead of at his office.

57. You want to be buried with your computer when it dies or vice versa.

58. You actually enjoy the fact that you are addicted.

59. You can actually read & follow all the names of the cast that scrolls up your TV screen at the end of a movie

60. People say, ”If it weren’t for your super reflexes in your eyes and fingers, you would have been classified as a vegetable!”

61. You dream in ”text”.

62. Being called a Newbie is a ”MAJOR” insult.

63. There is absolutely no interesting chat in any room & you’re really bored.

64. You don’t want to leave in case you miss something.

65. You double click your TV remote.

66. You can now type over 70 wpm.

67. You think about starting a 12-step recovery group for AOL junkies.

68. You are on the phone a minute & need to do something else & say ”BRB” r ”BBL”.

69. You check your E-mail and forget you have real mail (a. k. a. snail mail).

70. You go into withdrawals during dinner.

71. You spend at least 30 minutes making sure you say goodbye to everyone in a room.

72. You stop speaking in full sentences.

73. You have gone into an unstaffed Tech Support room & ended up ”giving” tech support to other AOLers.

74. You have to be pried from your computer by the ”Jaws of Life”.

75. Your last sexual experience was really just a ”textual” experience.

76. You know what a ”snert” is.

77. You set your kitchen on fire while cooking dinner because you wanted to ”check your mail” & while there you ”just wanted to see who was nline”.

78. You meet people from AOL in public & you have no idea what their real name is, so you call them by their screen name.

79. You’ve even gotten on an airplane just to meet some folks face-to-face.

80. When seeing someone you wish to meet, your second thought is wishing they’d be on AOL so you don’t have to meet them in person.

81. You have a vanity car tag with your screen name on it.

82. You no longer type with proper capitalization, punctuation, or complete sentences.

83. You have met over 100 AOLers.

84. When meeting a stranger, you ask for their profile. If they have a profile you ask them for an age/sex/location check.

85. You understand the humor in all of this.

86. You keep telling yourself to Get a Life.

87. When someone online says BRB, gotta go pee, you ask them to go for you, and think they can.

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Joke #17174 posted in the category: Pizza jokes.

What’s the difference between a Jew and a pizza?

Pizzas don’t scream when you put them in the oven.

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Joke #20665 posted in the category: Pizza jokes.

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