A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a case of beer, any kind except Schlitz. The bartender says ”What’s wrong with Schlitz, don’t you like it?” The man says, ”I hate that shit. Last night I drank a whole case of Schlitz and blew chunks. The bartender says, ”You drink a case of any beer you’re going to blow chunks.” ”You don’t understand;” says the man, ”Chunks is my dog.”-17+
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O’clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.
The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn’t jump, and the redhead replied, ’I’ll take that bet!’
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed.
The redhead said ’I can’t take this, you’re my friend.’
The blonde said ’No. A bet’s a bet’.
So the redhead said ’Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O’clock news, so I can’t take your money’.
The blonde replied, ’Well, so did I, but I never thought he’d jump again!’
Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one
night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.
Bill told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what
had happened. About one hour later Bill sees his driver staggering back to the
car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all
ripped and torn.
”What happened to you?” asked Bill.
”Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and
his 19-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me.”
”My God, what did you tell them?” asks Clinton.
The driver replies, ”I’m Bill Clinton’s driver, and I just killed the pig.”