A guy walked into a pro-shop with a gorilla. ”Is anyone interested in a little
wager?” he said, flashing some large bills around. ”I’ve got $500. 00 here that
says my gorilla can hit the ball longer and straighter than anybody here at this
club. In fact, he hits it 500 yards right down the middle... every time!”
Everyone in the pro-shop started laughing. After a moment, the newest pro at
the club and the longest hitter in the area spoke up, ”I gotta see this!” he
said. ”You know, what? I’ll take you up on that wager! Meet you on the first
When they reached the 585-yard par-5 first tee the trainer led the
gorilla to the tee box, put a driver in his hands, set a tee in the ground. The
gorilla did the rest.
Sure enough, he smashed his drive right down the middle and clear out of
sight. When the ball finally came to rest it was on the green -- 6 inches from
The pro was astonished. ”That’s incredible!” he exclaimed. ”How did you train
him to hit the ball like that? There’s no need for me to tee off. I couldn’t
beat him with a stick. Here’s your money.”
As the pro walked off the green, still shaking his head, he turned back to the
trainer and said, ”Oh, by the way, how does he putt?”
The trainer responded, ”Just like he drives: 500 yards. Right down the middle.
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5, 000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, ”I don’t think you understand, I want something very special.”
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
”Here’s a stunning ring at only $40, 000,” the jeweler said.
The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, ”We’ll take it.”
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by check. ”I know you need to make sure the check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,” he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. ”There’s no money in that account.”
”I know”, said the old man, ”but can you imagine the weekend I had?”
A businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home.
So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, all to no avail.
The cabbie said, ”If you don’t have fifteen dollars, get the hell
out of my cab!” So the businessman was forced to hitch- hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport.
Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.
The businessman got in the first cab in the line, ”How much for a
ride to the airport,” he asked? ”Fifteen bucks,” came the
reply. ”And how much for you to give me oral sex on the way?”
”What? Get the hell out of my cab!”
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.
When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked ”How much for a ride to the airport?” The cabbie replied ”fifteen bucks.” The businessman said ”OK,” and off
Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.