A preacher is buying a parrot.” Are you sure it doesn’t scream, yell, or swear?” asked the preacher.” Oh absolutely. It’s a religious parrot,” the storekeeper assures him.” Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord’s prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm.” ”Wonderful!” says the preacher, ”but what happens if you pull both strings?” ”I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!” screeched the parrot.--1+
A preacher goes into a bar and says ”Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up.” Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner. The preacher says ”My son, don’t you want to go to heaven when you die?” The drunk says ”When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now.”-9+
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door, as he always is, to shake hands. He grabbed my friend bythe hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, ? You need to join the Army of the Lord!? My friend replied, ? I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.? Pastor questioned, ? How come I don’t see you except at Christmas and Easter?? He whispered back, ? I’m in the secret service.?-21+
The preacher came to call the other day.
He said at my age I should be thinking about the hereafter.
I told him, ”Oh, I do all the time. No matter where I am-in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement-I ask myself what am I here after?”
Preacher Brown preached at 4 different country churches every Sunday morning. The only transportation he had was a little donkey. He would ride his little donkey to the 1st church, pull up to a window at the side of the church, jump in, run up to the pulpit, preach up a storm, run back down the isle, jump out the window onto his little donkey waiting right there where he left it, and ride on to the next church. When he got there, he would pull his little donkey up to the window, jump in, run up to the pulpit, preach up a storm, run back down the isle, jump out the window onto his little donkey waiting right there where he left it, and ride on to the next church. He did this every Sunday morning. One Sunday morning while Preacher Brown was delivering his sermon at the 4th church, some boys sneaked outside and moved his little donkey and dug a deep hole beside the window. Preacher Brown ran down the isle, jumped out the window, fell in the hole, and broke his neck. He died the next day. You know what they put on his tombstone? ”Poor, poor Preacher Brown, Can’t tell his ass from a hole in the ground”-8+