One day as President Clinton was getting off the helicopter in front of the White House, he had a baby pig under each arm.
The Marine guard snapped to attention, salutes, and said: ”Nice pigs, sir.”
The President replied, ”These are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Hillary, and I got one for Chelsea.”
The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and replied, ”Nice trade, sir”’
The NYPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The NYPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: ”Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!”
After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the Presidents of the
brewery’s decide to go to the pub for a drink. The Coors President said ”Can I
have the only beer made with Rocky Mountain Spring Water: a Coors, please.”
The bartender gave him the drink.
Then the Budweiser President orders, ”The King of Beers -- Budweiser.”
The bartender proceeds with the order.
The Amstel President walks in and orders ”The Finest Beer ever.”
The bartender gives him an Amstel.
Then the Guinness President says, ”I’ll have a coke please.”
The bartender is taken aback by this but gives the coke to him anyway.
All the Presidents looked over at him and said, ”Why have you ordered a coke?”
He replied, ”Well if you all aren’t drinking beer, then neither shall I.”
After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out
for a beer.
Corona’s president sits down and says, ”Señor, I would like the world’s best
beer, a Corona.” The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and gives it to
Then Budweiser’s president says, ”I’d like the best beer in the world,
give me ’The King Of Beers’, a Budweiser.” The bartender gives him one.
Coors’ president says, ”I’d like the best beer in the world, the only one made
with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors.” He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says, ”Give me a Coke.” The other brewery
presidents look over at him and ask, ”Why aren’t you drinking a Guinness?” and
the Guinness president replies, ”Well, if you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither
Four brewery presidents walk into a bar. The
guy from Corona sits down and says, ”Hey, Senior,
I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.”
The bartender gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, ”I’d like the best
beer in the world. Give me ’The king of beers,’ a
Budweiser.” The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, ”I’d like the only beer
made with Rocky Mountain spring water. Give me a
Coors.” The bartender gives it to him.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says, ”Give me
a Coke”. The bartender is a little taken aback,
but gives it to him.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask,
”Why aren’t you drinking a Guinness?”
The Guinness president replies, ”Well, I figured
if you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither would I”.