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Priest jokes



Priest jokes # 3011

Camel Died A nun and a priest are riding a camel through the dessert. After a few days the camel falls over dead. After looking over the situation the priest figures neither one of them will survive the rest of the journey. The priest asks the nun "I have never seen a woman's breasts, and at this point it probably wouldn't matter much, so could I see yours?" The nun agrees and shows him her breasts. "May I touch them?" The nun allows him to. The priest comments sincerely how wonderful they are. The nun then asks "Father, I have never seen a man's penis before, could you show me yours? The priest drops his drawers. "May I touch it?" After she fondles his penis for a minute he sports a huge erection. The priest says, "you know if I place my penis in the proper place it can give life!" "Is that right" the nun replies? "Yes," says the priest. So the nun said: "Then why don't you stick it up that camels ass and lets get the hell out of here!"

not funny joke ↓ 540 ↑ funny joke

Joke # 3011 from category: Priest jokes.


Priest jokes # 4973

Mitch, a hard-shell Southern Baptist, loved to sneak away to the race track. One day he was there betting on the ponies and nearly losing his shirt when he noticed this priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, this horse - a very long shot - won the race. Mitch was most interested to see what the priest did the next race. Sure enough, he watched the priest step out onto the track as the 5th race horses lined up, and placed this blessing on the forehead of one of the horses. Mitch made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race. Mitch collected his winning and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race. The priest showed, blessed a horse, Mitch bet on it, and it won! Mitch was elated! As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses, and it always came in first. Mitch began to pull in some serious money, and by the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick stop at the ATM, withdrew big money and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on. True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears and hooves of one of the horses. Mitchell be every cent, and watched the horse come in dead last. Mitchell was dumbfounded. He made his way to the track and when he found the priest, he demanded, "What happened, Father? All day you blessed horses and theywon. The last race, you blessed a horse and he lost. Now I've lost my savings, thanks to you!!" The priest nodded wisely and said, "That's the problem with you Protestants... you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and the last Rites."

not funny joke ↓ 01 ↑ funny joke

Joke # 4973 from category: Priest jokes.


Priest jokes # 5060

A Cowboy Walked Up To A Priest And Offered To Buy His Horse. The Priest Agreed, And Told The Cowboy To Make The Horse Go Say "praise The Lord" And To Make The Horse Stop Say "amen" The Cowboy Got On The Horse And Yelled, "praise The Lord" He And The Horse Started Out Through The Valley, They Were Neering A Cliff, And If They Went Off The Cliff Both Of Them Would Be Dead. The Cowboy Forgot The Words To Make The Horse Stop So He Shouted Words Like, "prayer, Lord, God, Savior" None Of These Words Worked. The Cowboy Suddenly Remembered The Words. He Shouted "amen" The Horse Went To A Stop. One More Step, The Horse And Cowboy Would Have Been Dead. Breatheing A Sigh Of Relief, The Cowboy Shouted "praise The Lord!!!!"

not funny joke ↓ 01 ↑ funny joke

Joke # 5060 from category: Priest jokes.


Priest jokes # 5645

A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you are embarrassed." He thought a minute and then said, "You know, I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible.

Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop saying that... that phrase in no time." "Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that the two male parrots were inside their cage, holding their rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out in unison, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said, "Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!"

not funny joke ↓ 377 ↑ funny joke

Joke # 5645 from category: Priest jokes.


Priest jokes # 5713

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him "Father, I have a

problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one

thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired.

They say, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment.

"You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two

male talking parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the bible.

Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage

with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and

worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying...... that phase

..... in no time."

"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the

solution." The next day, she brought her female parrots to the

priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots

were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she

walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the

female

parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to

have some fun?"

There was stunned silence. Finally one male parrot looked over at the

other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the fucking beads away, Francis,

our prayers have been answered!!"

not funny joke ↓ 00 ↑ funny joke

Joke # 5713 from category: Priest jokes.

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