A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring run.... run! The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: ”R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!” A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams ”R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!” The next batter held his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up yelling ”R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run!” All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused.
A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment whisper, ”He doesn’t have to run, he’s got four balls.” After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, ”Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!!!!”
A Father And Son Are Outside Yankee Stadium, And The Young Son Is Asking His Father To Buy Him A ”red Sox Suck” T-shirt. The Father Hesitates, But Finally Tells His Son, ”you Can Have The Shirt If You Promise Never To Say That Word.”
”that’s Right,” Says The T-shirt Vendor, Wanting To Make The Sale. ”’suck’ Isn’t A Very Nice Word.”
”no,” Replies The Father. ”i Meant The Word Red Socks.”
Q. What Do Grady Little And Don Zimmer Have In Common?
A. Neither One Can Take Out Pedro!
- four Baseball Fans - A Cubs Fan, A Cardinals Fan, A Yankee Fan, And A Red Sox Fan - Are Climbing A Mountain And Arguing About Who Loves His Team More.
the Cubs Fan Insists He Is The Most Loyal. ”this Is For The Cubs!” He Yells, And Jumps Off The Side Of The Mountain.
not To Be Outdone, The Cardinals Fan Shouts, ”this Is For The Cardinals!” And Throws Himself Off The Mountain.
the Yankee Fan Is Next To Profess His Love For His Team. He Yells, ”this Is For Everyone!” And Pushes The Red Sox Fan Off.
three Baseball Fans Were On Their Way To A Game When One Noticed A Foot Sticking Out Of The Bushes By The Side Of The Road.
they Stopped And Discovered A Dead Woman. Out Of Respect And Propriety, The Cubs Fan Took Off His Cap And Placed It Over Her Right Breast. The Yankee Fan Took Off His Cap And Placed It Over Her Left Breast. Following Their Lead, The Red Socks Fan Took Off His Cap And Placed It Over Her Crotch.
the Police Were Called And When The Officer Arrived, He Conducted His Inspection. First, He Lifted Up The Cubs Cap, Replaced It, And Wrote Down Some Notes. Next, He Lifted The Yankee Cap, Replaced It, And Wrote Down Some More Notes. The Officer Then Lifted The Red Sox Cap, Replaced It, Then Lifted It Again, Replaced It, Lifted It A Third Time, And Replaced It One Last Time.
the Sox Fan Was Getting Upset And Finally Asked, ”what Are You, A Pervert Or Something? Why Do You Keep Lifting And Looking, Lifting And Looking?”
well,” Said The Officer. ”i Am Simply Surprised. Normally When I Look Under A Red Sox Hat, I Find An Asshole!”
two Guys Are Walking Down A Street In Hell When It Begins To Snow.
one Guy Looks Up At It And Says, ”well, It Finally Happened. The Red Sox Just Won The World Series.”
a Man Walks Into A Bar With A Dog. The Bartender Says, ”you Can’t Bring That Dog In Here.”
”you Don’t Understand,” Says The Man. ”this Is No Regular Dog, He Can Talk.”
”listen, Pal,” Says The Bartender. ”if That Dog Can Talk, I’ll Give You A Hundred Bucks.”
the Man Puts The Dog On A Stool, And Asks Him, ”what’s On Top Of A House?”
”right. And What’s On The Outside Of A Tree?”
”and Who’s The Greatest Baseball Player Of All Time?”
”i Guess You’ve Heard Enough,” Says The Man. ”i’ll Take The Hundred In Twenties.”
the Bartender Is Furious. ”listen, Pal,” He Says, ”get Out Of Here Before I Belt You.”
as Soon As They’re On The Street, The Dog Turns To The Man And Says, ”do You Think I Should Have Said ’dimaggio’?”
i Have Some Yankee Ones Also That I Might Add. I Don’t Know Though. I Like These Better, Even Though The Last One Isn’t A Sox Joke
Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, ”What is your IQ?”
The man answers ”241.”
”That is wonderful! ,” says Albert. ”We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!” Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, ”What is your IQ?”
The lady answers, ”144.”
”That is great! ,” responds Albert. ”We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!”
Albert goes to another person and asks, ”What is your IQ?”
The man answers, ”51.”
Albert responds, ”How ’bout them Cowboys?”