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Roads and Driving jokes


What is the last thing to go through the mind of a mosquito when it hits your windscreen? It’s ass.

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Joke #1276 posted in the category: Roads and Driving jokes.

One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.

The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0. 0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, ”Tonight, I’m the Designated Decoy.”

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Joke #7133 posted in the category: Roads and Driving jokes.

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer. ”I can’t do that, officer.” ”Why not?” ”Because I’m an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.” ”Okay, we’ll just get a urine sample down at the station.” ”Can’t do that either, officer.” ”Why not?” ”Because I’m a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.” ”Alright, we could get a blood sample.” ”Can’t do that either, officer.” ”Why not?” ”Because I’m a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.” ”Fine then, just walk this white line.” ”Can’t do that either, officer.” ”Why not?” ”Because I’m drunk.”

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Joke #7258 posted in the category: Roads and Driving jokes.

A driver tucked a note under her windshield wiper and dashed off:

”I’ve circled the block for 20 minutes. I’m late for an appointment, and if I don’t park here I’ll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses.”

Returning, she came back only to find a parking ticket and this note:

”I’ve circled the block for 20 years, and if I don’t give you a ticket, I’ll lose my job... Lead us not into temptation.”

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Joke #8665 posted in the category: Roads and Driving jokes.

Two Italian guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, ”Why`d you do that? The trooper says, ”You`re in Texas, son. When I pull you over, you`ll have your license ready.” Driver says, ”I’m sorry, officer, I’m not from around here.” The trooper runs a check on the guy’s license, and he’s clean. He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls his window down, and the trooper smacks him with the nightstick. The passenger says, ”What`d you do that for?” The cop says, ”Just making your wishes come true.” The passenger says, ”Huh?” The cop says, ”I know that two miles down the road you`re gonna say, `I wish that guy would`ve tried that crap with me!

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Joke #9132 posted in the category: Roads and Driving jokes.

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