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Ronald Reagan jokes


’Here’s my strategy on the Cold War: We win, they lose.’

’The most terrifying words in the English language are: I’m from the government and I’m here to help.’

’The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they’re ignorant; it’s

just that they know so much that isn’t so.’

’Of the four wars in my lifetime, none came about because the U. S. was too strong.’

’I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U. S. Congress.’

’The taxpayer: That’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.’

’Government is like a baby: An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.’

’The nearest thing to eternal life we will ever see on this earth is a government program.’

’It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.’

’Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.’

’Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed, there are many rewards; if you disgrace yourself, you can always write a book.’

’No arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is as formidable

as the will and moral courage of free men and women.’

’If we ever forget that we’re one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under.’

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Joke #98641 posted in the category: Ronald Reagan jokes.

The president will succeed where his father and Ronald Reagan failed.
He WILL make government smaller. He’s going to bankrupt it!

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Joke #98772 posted in the category: Ronald Reagan jokes.

”My fellow Americans. I’m pleased to announce that I’ve signed legislation outlawing the Soviet Union. We begin bombing in five minutes.” –joking during a mike check before his Saturday radio broadcast

”It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?”

”I hope you’re all Republicans.” -speaking to surgeons as he entered the operating room following a 1981 assassination attempt

”Honey, I forgot to duck.” -to his wife, Nancy, after surviving the assassination attempt

”I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself.”

”I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency — even if I’m in a Cabinet meeting.”

”Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession.

I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.”

”The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: ’I’m from the government and I’m here to help.’ ”

”Well, I learned a lot.... I went down to (Latin America) to find out from them and (learn) their views. You’d be surprised. They’re all individual countries”

”I don’t know. I’ve never played a governor.” –asked by a reporter in 1966 what kind of governor he would be

”Facts are stupid things.” –at the 1988 Republican National Convention, attempting to quote John Adams, who said, ”Facts are stubborn things”

”Trees cause more pollution than automobiles.”

”All the waste in a year from a nuclear power plant can be stored under a desk.”

”They say hard work never hurt anybody, but I figure why take the chance.”

”There is absolutely no circumstance whatever under which I would accept that spot. Even if they tied and gagged me, I would find a way to signal by wiggling my ears.” –on possibly being offered the vice presidency in 1968

”You can tell a lot about a fella’s character by whether he picks out all of one color or just grabs a handful.” –explaining why he liked to have a jar of jelly beans on hand for important meetings

”I want you to know that also I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent’s youth and inexperience.” -during a 1984 presidential debate with Walter Mondale

”The state of California has no business subsidizing intellectual curiosity.” –responding to student protests on college campuses during his tenure as California governor

”Approximately 80 percent of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons released by vegetation, so let’s not go overboard in setting and enforcing tough emission standards from man-made sources.”

”Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his.”

”We are trying to get unemployment to go up, and I think we’re going to succeed.”

”As a matter of fact, Nancy never had any interest in politics or anything else when we got married.”

”I’ve noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born.”

”I’m afraid I can’t use a mule. I have several hundred up on Capitol Hill.” –refusing a gift of a mule

”What we have found in this country, and maybe we’re more aware of it now, is one problem that we’ve had, even in the best of times, and that is the people who are sleeping on the grates, the homeless who are homeless, you might say, by choice.”

”How are you, Mr. Mayor? I’m glad to meet you. How are things in your city?” –greeting Samual Pierce, his secretary of Housing and Urban Development, during a White House reception for mayors

”My name is Ronald Reagan. What’s yours?” –introducing himself after delivering a prep school commencement address. The individual responded, ”I’m your son, Mike,” to which Reagan replied, ”Oh, I didn’t recognize you.”

”Politics is just like show business. You have a hell of an opening, you coast for awhile, you have a hell of a closing.”

”What does an actor know about politics?” –criticizing Ed Asner for opposing American foreign policy

”What makes him think a middle-aged actor, who’s played with a chimp, could have a future in politics?” -on Clint Eastwood’s bid to become mayor of Carmel

”How can a president not be an actor?” -when asked ”How could an actor become president?’

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Joke #98874 posted in the category: Ronald Reagan jokes.

Jimmie Carter, Ronald Reagan, Geroge Bush and Bill Clinton stood in

front of the Great OZ.

Carter steps forward.

OZ: What would you like today?

Carter: I would like courage.

With a great puff of smoke, Carter was given the courage to tackle any

problem.

Reagan steped forward.

OZ: What would you like?

Reagan: I would like some brains.

With a great puff of smoke, Reagan was given the brains to solve and

remember many great problems of the day.

George Bush was next.

OZ: And for you?

Bush: I would like some heart.

The puff of smoke came and went, Bush gushed with heart and compassion

for his fellow man.

Clintion was left.

OZ: And last but least, What would you like?

Bill looked to the left and then to right and whispers, ”Dorothy around?”

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Joke #98875 posted in the category: Ronald Reagan jokes.

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