Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic. A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, ”You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.” The frog says, ”This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?” ”No,” says the psychic. ”Next semester in her biology class.”-0+
In a School science class four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a jar full of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a jar full of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a jar full of sperm.
The fourth worm was put into a jar full of soil.
After one day, these were the results:
The first worm in alcohol - died.
The second worm in the cigarette smoke - died.
The third worm in the sperm - died.
The fourth worm in the soil - was alive.
So the science teacher asked the class - ”What can you learn from this experiment.”
Little Johnny quickly raised his hand and said. ”As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won’t have worms.”
Rabbit’s Ph. D. Thesis: A Parable for Graduate Students Scene: It’s a fine sunny day in the forest, and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk. Fox: ”What are you working on?” Rabbit: ”My thesis.” Fox: ”Hmmm. What’s it about?” Rabbit: ”Oh, I’m writing about how rabbits eat foxes.” (incredulous pause) Fox: ”That’s ridiculous! Any fool knows that rabbits don’t eat foxes.” Rabbit: ”Sure they do, and I can prove it. Come with me.” They both disappear into the rabbit’s burrow. After a few minutes, the rabbit returns, alone, to his typewriter and resumes typing. Soon, a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit. Wolf: ”What’s that you’re writing?” Rabbit: ”I’m doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves.” (loud guffaws) Wolf: ”You don’t expect to get such rubbish published, do you?” Rabbit: ”No problem. Do you want to see why?” The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow, and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing. Scene: Inside the rabbit’s burrow. In one corner, there is a pile of fox bones. In another corner, a pile of wolf bones. On the other side of the room, a huge lion is belching and picking his teeth. (The End) Moral: It doesn’t matter what you choose for a thesis subject. It doesn’t matter what you use for data. What does matter is who you have for a thesis advisor.-31+
One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orangutan was reading two books -- the Bible and Darwin’s Origin of Species.
In surprise he asked the ape, ”Why are you reading both those books?”
”Well,” said the orangutan, ”I just wanted to know if I was my brother’s keeper or my keeper’s brother.”
During grammar school science experiements into properties of different alcohols:
The residue of each test was tipped down the sinks, which were grouped in threes. There were no U-bends, but each group of sinks emptied into a single box, which overflowed into the mains sewers. Presumably this was intended to retain things like droplets of mercury, which was not banned from use when I was 16.
During the session, my bunsen went out, so I re-lit it with a splint lit from the teacher’s bunsen. For safety’s sake (! ) I dropped the burning splint into the sink, intending to extinguish it with water, instead of waving it around in the alcohol fumes. A small blue flame disappeared down the plughole. Hum, thinks I, I wonder where that’s going?
I opened the cupboard ’neath the sink, only to find the drain box, full of alcohol, a roaring mass of flame. Shutting the doors, I called out, ”Er, Sir...” just as the inch-thick wooden lids blew off the adjacent un-used sinks. Fortunately, the back-blast extinguished the flames under the cupboard, so the box only sagged slightly!