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A city slicker wanted to buy a farm. He found just what he was looking for. During an inspection of the property, however, he found a hive of bees.

He told the owner that he was deathly afraid of bees, and there was no way he could consider this piece of land.

The landowner assured him that the bees were completely harmless, but the buyer would have no part of it.

Finally, the landowner made an offer. The buyer would allow himself to be tied to a tree for an hour, nude, under the nest. So sure of the friendliness of his bees was the farmer that if ONE bee were to sting him, the farm would be his for free. The buyer thought it over and decided it was worth the risk.

An hour later, the farmer walked out to the tree and saw the poor guy slumped over in his bindings. Fearing the worst, he ran up to him and asked if he had been stung.

The city fella looked up and weakly said, ”No... the bees never touched me - but doesn’t that calf have a mother!?!”

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Joke #117 posted in the category: Sex jokes.

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a case of beer, any kind except Schlitz. The bartender says ”What’s wrong with Schlitz, don’t you like it?” The man says, ”I hate that shit. Last night I drank a whole case of Schlitz and blew chunks. The bartender says, ”You drink a case of any beer you’re going to blow chunks.” ”You don’t understand;” says the man, ”Chunks is my dog.”

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Joke #120 posted in the category: Sex jokes.

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.

”You’ve been such exemplary statues,” he announced to them, ”that I’m going to give you a special gift. I’m going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want.” And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

”You still have fifteen more minutes,” said the angel, winking at them.

Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, ”Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I’ll crap on its head.”

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Joke #125 posted in the category: Sex jokes.

Scott took his blind date to the carnival. ”What would you like to do

first, Mary?” asked Scott.

”I want to get weighed,” she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser.

He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale, it read 117 and she won a

prize.

Next the couple went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Scott

again asked Mary what she would like to do.

”I want to get weighed,” she said. Back to the weight guesser they went.

Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Scott

lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to go next.

”I want to get weighed,” she responded.

By this time, Scott figured she was really weird and took her home early,

dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, ”How’d it go?”

Mary responded, ”Oh, Waura, it was wousy, he just wouldn’t way me.

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Joke #126 posted in the category: Sex jokes.

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A

man comes in and asks the farmer, ”Hey, why are you sitting here

on this beautiful day getting drunk?”

Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain.

Man: So what happened that is so horrible?

Farmer: Well if you must know, today I was sitting by my cow

milking her. Just as I go the bucket about full, she took her

left leg and kicked it over.

Man: That’s not so bad, what’s the big deal?

Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain.

Man: So then what happened.

Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left

with some rope. Then I sat down and continued to milk her.

Just as I got the bucket about full she took her right leg and

kicked it over.

Man: Again?

Farmer: Something’s ya just can’t explain.

Man: So, what did you do then?

Farmer: I took her right leg and tied it to the post on the

right.

Man: So then what did you do?

Farmer: I sat back down and continued to milk her, and just as I

got the bucket just about full, the stupid cow knocks over the

bucket with her tail.

Man: Wow you must have been pretty upset!

Farmer: Some things you just can’t explain.

Man: So then what did you do.

Farmer: Well I didn’t have any more rope, so I took off my belt

and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell

down and my wife walked in.

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Joke #127 posted in the category: Sex jokes.

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