Animals-Pigs/SheepDo you think sheep know when you`re pulling the wool over their eyes? Does the person who inventories sheep often fall asleep on the job? If a pig is sold to the pawn shop is it then called a ham-hock? If we make sweaters out of a sheep’s hair, what do the sheep use to make sweaters? If you can’t make a silk purse from a sow’s ear what can you make with it? If you pushed a pig down a hill would he be a sausage roll? What do pigs say when they don’t want to do something? Would it be `Yeawhen humans fly`? What do sheep count when they can’t get to sleep? Why can’t pigs look up into the sky? Why do pigs have curly tails? Why do we call them guinea pigs when they are neither from Guinea nor are they pigs? Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains? Why is it that only pigs and humans can get sunburn? Why is it that the first thing we try to do after killing a pig is to cure it? Would a small pig be called a hamlet?-0+
Q: what do you call a new zealander with a sheep under one arm and a goat under the other?
A: a bisexual
Q: Why do the horses in new zealand run so fast?
A: because they know what’s done to the sheep
Q: what do you call four sheep tied to a post in new zealand?
A: the recreational center
Once upon a time there was a sheepherder tending his sheep at the edge of a country road in rural Wyoming. A brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee screeched to a halt next to him. The driver, a young man dressed in a Brioni suit, Cerrutti shoes, Ray-Ban glasses, Jovial Swiss wristwatch and a BHS tie, jumped out and asked the herder ”If I guess how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?”
The herder looked at the young man, then looked at the sprawling herd of grazing sheep and said ”Okay.”
The young man parked the SUV, connected his notebook and wireless modem, entered a NASA site, scanned the ground using satellite imagery and a GPS, opened a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms, then printed a 150 page report on his high-tech mini printer. He turned to the herder and said ”You have exactly 1, 586 sheep here.”
The herder answered ”Say, you are right. Pick out a sheep.” The young man took one of the animals and put it in the back of his vehicle.
As he was preparing to drive away, the herder looked at him and asked ”Now, if I guess your profession, will you pay me back in kind?”
The young man answered ”Sure.”
The herder said immediately ”You are a consultant.”
”Exactly! How did you know?” asked the young man.
”Very simple,” replied the herder. ”First you came here without being invited. Secondly, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew. Thirdly, you do not understand anything about my business, and I’d really like to have my dog back.”