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Shopping jokes

It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and an advertisement in the local paper were the main reasons for the long line that formed in front of the store by 8: 30, the store’s opening time. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back amid loud and colorful curses. On the man’s second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw and knocked around a bit, then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line: ”That does it! If they hit me one more time, I don’t open the store!”


Joke #12520 posted in the category: Shopping jokes.

Walking through a supermarket, a young man noticed an old lady following him around. He ignored her for a while, but when he got to the checkout line, she got in front of him.” Pardon me,” she said. ”I’m sorry if I’ve been staring, but you look just like me son who died recently.” I’m sorry for your loss,” the young man replied. ”Is there anything I can do for you?” ”Well, as I’m leaving, could you just say `Goodbye, mother!? ` It would make me feel so much better.” She gave him a sweet smile.” Of course I can,” the young man promised. As she gathered her bags and left, he called out ”Goodbye, mother!” just as she had requested, feeling good about her smile. Stepping up to the counter, he saw that his total was about $100 higher than it should be. ”That amount is wrong,” he said. ”I only have a few items!” ”Oh, your mother said that you would pay for her,” explained the clerk.


Joke #14520 posted in the category: Shopping jokes.

A woman walks into a convenience store. She walks straight to the manager and asks, ”Do you have any small notebooks?” ”Sorry,” says the manager. ”We`re all out.” The woman shrugs, and asks, ”Well, do you have any mechanical pencils?” ”Nope, don’t have that either,” says the manager. The woman feels her stomach rumbling and asks, ”Do you have Doritos? Nachos?” The manager shrugs, ”Sorry.” ”Hmmph. How about Chapstick?” says the woman.” Nope. Don’t have that.” ”Well” the woman says, ”If you don’t have anything, why don’t you close the store?” The manager shrugs, ”Can’t. Don’t have the key.”


Joke #18215 posted in the category: Shopping jokes.

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.

He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, ”I’ll be 16 tomorrow.”

”I know,” said the butcher with a smile, ”I’ve been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she’ll get, and watch the expression on her face.”

When the boy arrived home he told his mother.

The woman nodded and said, ”Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!”


Joke #20592 posted in the category: Shopping jokes.

In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I noticed a man shopping with his son. As I walked by, he checkedsomething off his list, and I heard him whisper conspiratorially to the child, ”You know, if we really mess this up, we`ll neverhave to do it again.”


Joke #28810 posted in the category: Shopping jokes.

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