A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O’clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.
The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn’t jump, and the redhead replied, ’I’ll take that bet!’
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed.
The redhead said ’I can’t take this, you’re my friend.’
The blonde said ’No. A bet’s a bet’.
So the redhead said ’Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O’clock news, so I can’t take your money’.
The blonde replied, ’Well, so did I, but I never thought he’d jump again!’
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: ”Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?”
And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he’s on her level, and asks: ”Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?”
The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: ”I don’t fink my pyfon really giveths a thit.”
A man went to visit his? 90 year old grandfather in a secluded, rural area of the state. After? spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film-like substance on his plate and he? questioned his grandfather, ”Are these plates clean?”
His grandfather? replied, ”Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them so go on? and finish your meal.”
That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather? made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of this plate, and a substance that looked like dried egg yolks. So he asked again, ”Are you sure these plates are clean?”
Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather says, ”I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now don’t ask me about it? anymore!”
Later that afternoon, he was on his way out to get dinner? in a nearby town. As he was leaving, Grandfather’s dog started to growl and would not let him pass, ”Grandfather, your dog won’t let me out.”
Without diverting his attention from the football game he? was watching, Grandfather shouted, ” ”COLDWATER”, GET OUT OF THE? WAY!”
Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River, to be exact. On one side of the river lived the rabbit, and on the other side lived the bear.
One fine day, the bear was sitting on a stump, enjoying his breakfest of berries. Then he heard someone yelling at him. It was the rabbit.
”Hey! Hey, Teddy, get your butt over here. I’ve got something to show you!”
”Not now! I’m eating.”
”Oh come on!” said the rabbit. ”It’s really important.”
”Please. It’s urgent.”
So the bear decided to go all the way over the wide river. It took him all day and all night to get over to the other side. He nearly drowned. And when he finally got there he was groaning and panting, and wheezing for air.
”Well, rabbit,” he panted. ”What did you want to tell me?”
”Hey, Teddy,” the rabbit began, ”look how many berries are on the other side of the river.”