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Skating jokes


Olympic Ice Skating

It is the Olympic men’s figure skating. Out comes the Russian competitor, he skates around to some classical music in a slightly dull costume, performs some excellent leaps but without any great artistic feel for the music.

The Judges’ scores read: Britain 5. 8: Russia 5. 9: United States 5. 5: Ireland 6. 0

Next comes the American competitor in a sparkling stars and stripes costume, skating to some rock and roll music. He gets the crowd clapping, but is not technically as good as the Russian. He slightly misses landing a triple Salchow and loses the center during a spin. But, artistically, it is a more satisfying performance.

The Judges’ scores read: Britain 5. 8: Russia 5. 5: United States 5. 9: Ireland 6. 0

Finally out comes the Irish competitor wearing a tatty old donkey jacket, with his skates tied over his wellies. He reaches the ice, trips straight away and bangs his nose which starts bleeding. He tries to get up, staggers a few paces then slips again. He spends his entire ’routine’ getting up then falling over again. Finally he crawls off the ice a tattered and bleeding mess.

The Judges’ scores read: Britain 0. 0: Russia 0. 0: United States 0. 0: Ireland 6. 0

The other 3 judges turn to the Irish judge and demand in unison, ”How the hell can you give that mess 6. 0?!”

To which the Irish judge replies ”You’ve gotta remember, it’s damn slippery out there.”

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Joke #61999 posted in the category: Skating jokes.

Only in America do they have handicap parking places at skating rinks.

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Joke #64166 posted in the category: Skating jokes.

It is the Olympic men’s figure skating. Out comes the Russian competitor, he skates around to some classical music

in a slightly dull costume, performs some excellent leaps but without any great artistic feel for the music.

The Judges’ scores read: Britain 5. 8: Russia 5. 9: United States 5. 5: Ireland 6. 0

Next comes the American competitor in a sparkling stars and stripes costume, skating to some rock and roll music. He

gets the crowd clapping, but is not technically as good as the Russian. He slightly misses landing a triple Salchow and loses the center during a spin. But, artistically, it is a more satisfying performance.

The Judges’ scores read: Britain 5. 8: Russia 5. 5: United States 5. 9: Ireland 6. 0

Finally out comes the Irish competitor wearing a tatty old donkey jacket, with his skates tied over his wellies. He

reaches the ice, trips straight away and bangs his nose which starts bleeding. He tries to get up, staggers a few paces then slips again. He spends his entire ’routine’ getting up then falling over again. Finally he crawls off the ice a tattered and bleeding mess.

The Judges’ scores read: Britain 0. 0: Russia 0. 0: United States 0. 0: Ireland 6. 0

The other 3 judges turn to the Irish judge and demand in unison, ”How the hell can you give that mess 6. 0?!”

To which the Irish judge replies ”You’ve gotta remember,

it’s damn slippery out there.”

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Joke #128592 posted in the category: Skating jokes.

Once there was a footballer, he got hit and his leg was broken. Afterall he was in the hospital.

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Joke #128593 posted in the category: Skating jokes.

Three guys are standing outside the gates of heaven. God tells them that however faith full they were to their wife’s, the better the car they will get for heaven.

God asks the first guy

He replies:

” I never cheated on my wife once ” So god rewards him with a ford.

The second guy replies ” i only cheated on her a couple of times” So god rewards him with a mustang.

The third guy replies ” i cheated on my wife all the time ” So god gives him a scooter.

Later on the guy on the scooter is riding around when he sees the man with the ford crying, he asks what is wrong.

The man crying replies ” i just saw my wife go by on skates”

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Joke #128594 posted in the category: Skating jokes.

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