Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet.
” Doctor,” he said sadly, ”I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to cut off my dog’s tail.”
The vet stepped back, ”Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?”
”Because my mother-in-law’s arriving tomorrow, and I don’t want anything to make her think she’s welcome.”
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, ”What`cha doing, Tim?” ”My goldfish died,” replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. ”I’ve just buried him.” The neighbor was concerned. ”That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?” Tim patted down the last heap of earth, then replied, ”That’s because he’s inside your dumb cat.”-0+
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, ”Can I help you?”
The man said, ”Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines.”
A rookie Police Officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with a more experienced partner. A call came over the car’s radio telling them to disperse some people in town who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and immediately observed a small crowd standing on one corner.
The rookie rolled down his window and said, ”Let’s get off the corner.”
No one moved, so he barked again, ”Let’s get off the corner now!”
Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled glances in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, ”Well, how did I do?”
Pretty good, ”replied the veteran, ”concidering this is a bus stop.”
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want
ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very
nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.
”I need someone with an accounting degree,” the man said. ”But
mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me.”
”Excuse me?” the accountant said.
”I worry about a lot of things,” the man said. ”But I don’t want to have
to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off
”I see,” the accountant said. ”And how much does the job pay?”
”I’ll start you at eighty thousand.”
”Eighty thousand dollars!” the accountant exclaimed. ”How can such a
small business afford a sum like that?”
”That,” the owner said, ”is your first worry.”