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Soldier jokes


A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo. To help him, he hired an Indian Scout. The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo. After riding awhile, the Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says ”Humm, buffalo come”. The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing. He is confused and says to the Indian, ”I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come”? and the Indian replies, ”ear sticky”.

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Joke #1043 posted in the category: Soldier jokes.

Military training:

During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general.

”You simpleton!” the officer barked. ”Don’t you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?”

”Yes sir,” the solder answered apologetically. ”But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice and I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches but when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say,

”Let’s eat one now and save the other until winter’ ---that did it!”

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Joke #1159 posted in the category: Soldier jokes.

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R & R and was on a train bound for London.
The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
The war-weary soldier asked, ”Please, ma’am, may I sit in that seat?”
The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, ”You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can’t you see my little Fifi is using that seat?”
The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.
Again he asked, ”Please, lady. May I sit there? I’m very tired.”
The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, ”You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!”
The soldier didn’t say anything else. He leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.
The woman shrieked and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier. An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, ”You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.
You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you’ve thrown the wrong bitch out of the window.”

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Joke #1667 posted in the category: Soldier jokes.

A soldier is on patrol in Afghanistan and he comes upon an Afghan farmer at his farm. He looks around and then approaches the farmer.

”How is everything here on your farm? Are you treating your animals well?”

”Yes,” replies the Afghan, ”very well.”

”Great,” says the soldier. He looks over and sees a cow in the barn. ”You mind if I ask the cow how you’re treating her?”

”Cow no talk,” says the farmer.

Regardless, the soldier approaches the cow and starts chatting with it, asking it how things are going. ”Well, he takes good care of me. He milks me every morning and keeps us in good pastures with good grass to eat. I’m doing just fine.”

The farmer’s mouth is agape as he cannot believe what he is hearing! The soldier returns to the farmer’s side and asks, ”How bout the horse? Can I chat with him about the farm?”

Again the farmer replies, ”Horse no talk.” But the soldier approaches the horse, asks him how things are, and the horse says, ”Things are pretty good. The farmer brings me fresh hay every week and we go riding every Friday to check the fences. Not bad at all, very happy to be here.”

The farmer nearly can’t believe his own eyes and ears. He is scratching his head in bewilderment as the soldier returns.

The soldier says, ”So, how about I talk to one of your sheep...”

The Afghan farmer breaks in quickly, ”Sheep lie! Sheep lie!”

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Joke #6312 posted in the category: Soldier jokes.

A soldier serving in Hong Kong was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.

He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying, ”Regret cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others.”

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Joke #14719 posted in the category: Soldier jokes.

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