There were four county churches in a small Arkansas town: The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church and the Catholic Church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels.
One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.
In the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a large plywood cover on the baptistery and flood it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.
The Catholic group got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creation. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.
But the Methodist Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
A man, Bob, and his friend Joe went out hunting. This was Joe’s first time ever hunting, so he was following Bob’s lead.
Bob saw a small herd of deer and told Joe to stay in the exact spot he was and to be quiet!
After a few minutes, Bob heard a loud scream. He ran back and asked Joe what had happened.
Joe said ”There was this snake and he slittered across my feet, but I never screamed.
Then there was this bear that came up to me and snarled, but I never screamed.”
”So then what did make you scream,” Bob asked, exasperated. ”Well,” Joe continued, ”two squirells crawled up my pants and I overheard them say, ”Should we take them home or eat ’em now?” ”
One day a bear was chasing a squirrel in the woods. The two stumbled upon a lamp. The squirrel rubs it and out pops a genie. The genie says” I’ll grant you two wishes.” The bear makes the first wish, ” I wish I had the biggest dick in the woods.” The genie granted it. The squirrel makes the second wish, ” I wish for the fastest motorbike.” His wish was granted. ” I wish I was the only male bear in the woods.” Granted. The squirrel makes the last wish, ” I wish that the bear was gay”, then the squirrel peels off on the motor bike.-14+