YODA: Crossing the road makes not a chicken great.
VADER: Because it could not resist the power of the Dark Side.
LUKE: Crossing the road is one thing, this is.... totally different.
LUKE: I want to follow the ways of the chicken and cross the road like my father.
LEIA: I don’t know... but I have a bad feeling about this.
HAN: Hurry up, colonel sanders, or you’re gonna be a permanent resident!
THREEPIO: I am fluent in over six million ways of crossing the road.
ARTOO: beep beep be bop.
BEN: Cross the road, chicken. Let go, chicken. Chicken - trust me.
BOBA FETT: What if the chicken doesn’t survive? He’s worth a lot to me!
WEDGE: My scope shows the other side but it looks really far, are you sure you can cross it?
JERJERROD: The chicken is crossing the road? We shall double our efforts.
BIB: Die chicken wanga?
BIGGS: At that speed, will you be able to cross in time?
TARKIN: The regional governors now have direct control over their chickens. Fear will keep those chickens in line... fear of getting hit by a car!
UNCLE OWEN: I told you to forget it. You’re only concern is to cross that road.
AUNT BERU: He can’t stay here forever. Most of his friends have already crossed. It means so much to him.
ADMIRAL ACKBAR: All chickens - prepare to cross the road on my mark
LANDO: Why you slimy, no good, double-crossing chicken!! You got a lot of guts crossing that road, after what you pulled!
EMPEROR: Young fool. Only now, after getting hit by a car do you understand.
JABBA: Bo shuda chicken!
Top Ten Ways Michael Jackson Would Be Cooler if He Lived in the Star Wars Universe
1. Due to high loss-of-hand rate, wearing one glove is fashionably acceptable
2. Would not have needed huge effects budget for ’Captain EO’
3. In shocking revelation, he might have really been the father of Billie Jean’s son
4. Could really walk on moon
5. After skin-altering disease, could become Light Lord of the Sith
6. Could ease tensions between Empire and Alliance with anti-violence message of ’Beat It’
7. Imperial breath mask could give him the deep voice he never had
8. Improved medical technology could make new nose and chin more realistic
9. Would have sure-fire hit with Sy Snootles duet
10. Would strengthen characterization of movies by making Luke look manly
The Top 15 Surprises in the Re-Mastered ”Star Wars”
15 New scene in which Chewbacca teaches Han Solo how to lick himself.
14 He might not sound as fearsome as before, but that Primatene Mist of Darth Vader’s seems to have helped his breathing immensely.
13 Added scene in which Tonya Harding whacks Princess Lea on the knee with a light saber.
12 Luke accused of killing ex-wife and advised by Obi Wan to ”Use the Fifth, Luke.”
11 The commercial tie-in appearance of Jabba’s big brother, Pizza the Hut.
10 Newly-colorized Darth Vader is mauve.
9 C3PO has a conspicuous ”Intel Inside” sticker on his shiny brass ass.
8 Han, Luke, Obi-Wan and C3PO now sporting bitchin’ goatees.
7 New scene where Luke shakes JFK’s hand and tells him he has to pee.
6 Jabba the Butt-head saying, ”Hehe... hehe... she said, ’Lay ya.’ ”
5 Revealing scene in the bathroom shows how ”Han Solo” got his name.
4 During one lonely night, Princess Lea finds R2D2’s special attachment.
3 Anti-fur activists from planet PETA spray Chewbacca with red paint.
2 The X-Wing pilot who blows up the Death Star? Richard Jewell.
And the Number 1 Surprise in the Re-Mastered ”Star Wars”...
1 Dismembered victim of Obi-Wan Kenobi’s light saber in bar scene none other than John Wayne Bobbitt.