An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says ” We`re having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive” The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers ”God Save The Queen” and jumps. The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers ”Viva La France” and he also jumps. This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers ”Remember the Alamo” and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.-16+
A visiting professor at the University of Alabama is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: ”How many people here believe in ghosts?” About 90 students raise their hands.
”Well that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you’ve ever seen a ghost?” About 40 students raise their hands.
”That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?” 15 students raise their hands.
”That’s a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?” 3 students raise their hands.
”That’s fantastic. But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?”
One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, ”Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.”
The redneck student (remember, this is Alabama) replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium.
The professor says, ”Well, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a Ghost.”
The student replies, ”Ghost?!? I thought you said ’goats!’ ”
A big Texan is walking down the main street of Ballinclashett and encounters Liam standing on the pavement beside a big strong horse. This prompts the Texan to attempt to realise a lifelong dream and he says to Liam, Say Boy, that’s a fine-lookin horse you got there, and I’d like to tour this beautiful country on horseback so’s I can see the sights and hear the sounds of the countryside like they did in the old days. I’ll buy that horse off of ya, how much ya want. Liam says, O sure and you don’t want to be messin with this horse he don’t look too good these days. Hey, Boy, says the Texan, Don’t you try to tell me what’s a good lookin` horse an what isn’t. I been tradin` horses all my life long and there ain’t nothin a young country boy like you can tell me about em. Now you jes name yer price and we`ll get along fine. I’m sayin` to ye that this horse is not a good lookin horse mister and ye don’t want any part of `im, says Liam. The Texan is getting angry now. Listen up Boy, he says, you leave me be the judge of what’s good lookin and what’s not and jes give me the price and I’ll pay cash right here and now. Oh well, says Liam, $2000. 00US. Deal! says the Texan and he hands over the money, Liam unties the horse and the Texan leads him off. The horse walks smack into the first lampost in the way, and the Texan turns to Liam and says, Hey, Boy, you a damn swindler, you didn` tell me this here horse was blind! I keep tellin` you he don’t look too good, says Liam, and you kept saying that’s none of my business, so in the end I gave up.-12+
Florida is finally re-admitted to the union.
Spotted Owl plague now threatens Western crops & livestock.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President.
50 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Nursing home event... Clinton denies Candy Striper allegations.
Texas executes last remaining citizen.
Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.
Baby conceived naturally... Scientists stumped.
Authentic year 2000 ”CHAD” sells at Sotheby’s for 9. 6 million.
Ozone created by Electric Cars now killing thousands in Los Angeles.
Average height of NBA players now nine foot seven inches.
Unionized Chinese workers now making 4
, 000, 000, 000 yen an hour.
American owned businesses now returning to cheap labor in U. S. A.
White minority demands civil rights and reparations.
New California law requires that all machetes, steak knives and baseball bats be registered before January 2056.