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Stock Market jokes


While the U. S. stock market was at an all-time high, the ups and downs frightened a lot of small investors. A guy went to his financial adviser at the bank and asked if he were worried.

He replied that he slept like a baby.

He was amazed and asked, ”Really? Even with all the fluctuations?”

He said, ”Yes. I sleep for a couple of hours, then wake up and cry for a couple of hours.”

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Joke #9723 posted in the category: Stock Market jokes.

Today in the Stock Market:

Helium was up, feathers were down.

Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.

Knives were up sharply.

Cow steered into a bull market.

Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing.

Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.

Weights were up in heavy trading.

Light switches were off.

Mining equipment hit rock bottom.

Diapers remain unchanged.

Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.

The market for raisins dried up.

Coca Cola fizzled.

Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.

Sun peaked at midday.

Balloon prices were inflated.

And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.

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Joke #12320 posted in the category: Stock Market jokes.

Helium was up. Feathers were down. Paper was stationary. Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Cows steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points. Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading. Light switches were off. Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remained unchanged. Shipping lines stayed at an even keel. The market for raisins dried up. Coca Cola fizzled. Caterpillar stock inched up a bit. Sun peaked at midday. Balloon prices were inflated. Scott Tissue touched a new bottom. And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.

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Joke #12460 posted in the category: Stock Market jokes.

Q: Why is advice so cheap?
A: Because supply always exceeds demand.

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Joke #14124 posted in the category: Stock Market jokes.

The central banker replies: ”I’m feeling rather hungry right now. You’d better cut it into eight pieces.”

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Joke #14264 posted in the category: Stock Market jokes.

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