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Two guys get busted for smoking dope, so they have to go into court on a Friday. They go to court and the judge says, ”If you can convince more than 5 people to stop doing drugs for the rest of their lives, you won’t be sent to jail.”

So the two men agree and the judge tells them to come back on Monday.

So the two guys come back on Monday and the judge asks how they did.

”I got 17 people to get off drugs,” says the first guy.

”Wow, how’d you do that?” asks the judge.

”I used circles. I told them that this large circle is your brain before drugs and this small circle is your brain after drugs.”

”Oh, that’s nothing!” said the second guy. ”I convinced 156 people to get off drugs.”

”Wow. How’d you do that?” asked the judge.

”Well, I used circles too. I told them this small circle is your butthole before prison...”

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Joke #588 posted in the category: Stoner jokes.

Q: Why did the stoner cross the road?
A: Who else would follow a chicken?

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Joke #3404 posted in the category: Stoner jokes.

It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle, so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer. The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained possession.

The Ants’ star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants’ goal when the Elephants’ left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly.

The referee stopped the game. ”What the hell do you think you’re doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?”

The elephant replied, ”Well, I didn’t mean to kill him - I was just trying to trip him up.”

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Joke #4497 posted in the category: Stoner jokes.

One Day In The Jungle, Lizard Climbs Up A Tree And Find Monkey Sitting On A Branch, Smoking Some Weed. Lizard Asks Him For Some But Monkey Keeps Saying

”no, You’re A Lightweight, It’ll Go Straight To Your Head.”

but Eventually After Some Pestering, Monkey Gives Lizard Some Of The Weed. After Smoking For A Bit, Lizard Starts To Get A Bit Thirsty, Being A Lightweight And All, So He Goes Down To The Lake To Get A Drink.

while He’s Down At The Lake, He Sees Alligator Who Asks Him Where He’s Been, As He Seems A Bit High. Lizard Tells Alligator He’s Been Up In The Tree Smoking With Monkey, So Alligator Goes Up To Ask Monkey If He Can Have Any.

so As Monkey’s Sitting There, High As A Kite, Waiting For Lizard To Get Back, He Sees Alligator Coming

”what The!!” Yells Monkey, ”how Much Freakin’ Water Did You Drink?”

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Joke #5492 posted in the category: Stoner jokes.

A Monkey Is Sitting In A Tree, Smoking A Joint, When A Lizard Walks

Past.

The Lizard Looks Up And Says To The Monkey ”hey! What Are You Doing?”

The Monkey Says ”smoking A Joint, Come Up And Join Me, My

Cold-blooded Friend.”

So The Lizard Climbs Up And Sits Next To The Monkey And They Have

Another Joint.

After A While The Lizard Says His Mouth Is ’dry’, And That He’s Going

To Get A Drink From The River.

At The Riverbank, The Lizard Is So Stoned That He Leans Too Far Over

And Falls In.

A Crocodile Sees This And Swims Over To The Stoned Lizard, Helping

Him To The Side.

He Then Asks The Lizard, ”what’s The Matter With You?!”

The Lizard Explains To The Crocodile That He Was Sitting In The Tree,

Smoking A Joint With His New Monkey Friend. He Then Explained How His

Mouth Got Dry, And That He

Was So Wasted That, When He Went To Get A Drink From The River, He

Fell In!

The Inquisitive Crocodile Says He Has To Check This Out. He Walks

Into The Jungle And Finds The Tree Where The Monkey Is Sitting,

Finishing A Joint.

He Looks Up And Says ”hey, Monkey!”

The Monkey Looks Down And Says ”fuuuuuck, Dude....... How Much

water

Did You Drink?”

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Joke #5493 posted in the category: Stoner jokes.

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